oh iowa.

my film wish list.

tension is who you think you should be. relaxation is who you are.

chinese proverb

done deal.

yesterday my subletter came by to sign the lease and begin piling my apartment full of boxes. (no, it's not fair but i let him anyway. i'm just glad he's taking it.) so now i have about a week until i move into my new place. i've been scouring design magazines eventhough said and i are going to be having picnics on the floor until our bank accounts recover. i'm so excited for this.

from sfgirlbythebay:

People Who Live
by Erica Jong

People who live by the sea understand eternity. They copy the curves of the waves, their hearts beat with the tides, & the saltiness of their blood corresponds with the sea. They know that the house of flesh is only a sandcastle built on the shore, that skin breaks under the waves like sand under the soles of the first walker on the beach when the tide recedes. Each of us walks there once, watching the bubbles rise up through the sand like ascending souls, tracing the line of the foam, drawing our index fingers along the horizon pointing home.

now.

/daydreaming about painting my walls and having friends over for big dinners/looking forward to laughing with my parents over dinner/big ideas/curling up on lindsay's couch with a glass of wine and laughing over celebrity gossip/feeling the quietness of winter all around me/loving that my hand is so little in said's/long walks/dancing like a wild woman at marvin's with my girlfriends/feeling so unbelievably grateful and hopeful and full of love/anticipating my brother and kosi's arms around me/lying in the bathtub with a mug of hot chocolate and a glass of wine at my side (i have no qualms with spoiling myself)/backbending/

today my friend john said, "we are finally getting older" and i do feel that way. we're beginning to build our lives and it feels beautiful.

we cannot destroy kindred: our chains stretch a little sometimes, but they never break. marquise de sévigné

In the West, you have bigger homes, yet smaller families; you have endless conveniences yet you never seem to have any time. You can travel anywhere in the world yet you won't cross the road to meet your neighbors. I don't think people have become more selfish, but their lives have become easier and that has spoiled them. They have less resilience, they expect more, they constantly compare themselves to others and they have too much choice. This brings no real freedom.

Dalai Lama

our home

i have a new home. it's across from an elementary school and above an old grocery store (soon to be converted into a flower shop - fingers crossed.) it's old and needs work but said and i are going to do it. it has two bedrooms with high ceilings and huge windows and enough space for a yoga and painting studio.

this is a leap and i'm so excited to do it.

one's destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.
henry miller

i have a hard time being indoors all day. i don't like competition. loud noises, extreme temperatures, and big parties all annoy/drain me. i get extremely nervous talking in front a large group of people. i like to spend at least half of my evenings solo doing yoga or writing. i've always though of it as recharging but now i realize i'm just sensitive to a lot of things that other people aren't. i guess it just never occurred to me.

a few months ago one of my yoga teachers passed along the book, the highly sensitive person. at the time i kind of shrugged it off thinking it was too new agey, but i started reading it the other night and it completely resonated with me. most of it anyway. i guess part of the reason i've never admitted it is because it partly felt like a defeat; a weakness. but in a lot of ways my sensitivity is the reason i'm attracted to yoga. it's why i love to write. it's why my apartment is decorated in flowers and paintings and i'm in love with a man who appreciates the same beauty i see.

a few of the questions on the self test:

	I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input.
	I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.
	Other people's moods affect me.
	I tend to be very sensitive to pain.
	I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days,into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation.
	I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine.
	I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells,coarse fabrics,or sirens close by.
	I have a rich,complex inner life.
	I am made uncomfortable by loud noises.
	I am deeply moved by the arts or music.
	My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go off by myself.
	I am conscientious.

bon bons by the bon bon

gorgeous new jewelry designs by my brother's girl bonkosi:

"the best things in life are nearest. breath in your nostrils, light in your eyes, flowers at your feet, duties at your hand, the path of right just before you."

robert louis stevenson