inability to love is the central problem because that inability masks a certain terror, and that terror is the terror of being touched. if you can't be touched, you can't be changed. if you can't be changed, you can't be alive. - james baldwin

i spent most of my week in iowa city planning the next four years of my life.

i'm ready.

there's a world out there.. i swear.. i've seen a glimpse of the world outside of glenwood.. i've seen/breathed/eaten inspiration..


i want to get my hair cut short/sleep under the stars/dance in the rain/paint my nails the rainbow/photograph every corner of your eyes/take more walks with my brother.


i woke up late. read. ate waffles with strawberries and syrup. rode my bike. bought a caramel machiatto. sorted my clothes. laid out at the pool with meg.

my grandma just called and wanted to know if austin's younger brother was going out with david's friend because they were sitting together at church. i hate small towns.


today i bought:
one scoop of peppermint stick icecream on a children's cone
modest mouse: this is a long drive for someone with nothing to think about
/ishamel/ by daniel quinn
a photograph of john lennon in a new york city tee shirt
/stones from the river/ by ursula hegi
a sampler including onelinedrawing, pedro the lion, jets to brazil, the promise ring
/the power of myth/ by joseph campbell

i spent $30.

the old market just rocks my socks sometimes.


new york, new york

---> broadway, iced caramel machiatos, urban outfitters, an old woman in a yellow lace dress and huge white sunglasses sitting on a bench kicking her feet, h + m, a lovely candle shop, beautiful men, jack kerouac, canal street, thai, elise, headphones on the subway, natural curl, shirley temples, the boy in front of me at cabaret, grenwich, platform shoes on cobblestone streets, realizing how insignificant my problems are (but how much i matter), schizophrenics i enjoy listening to, lace skirts, mix cds from ry, i-d, dean + deluca (where's felicity)..

i found my heaven. i hope you know yours. <3>

p.s. i'll be "home" on saturday.