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i haven't written since i left for iowa city. there's no way to sum up what has been going on and still make sense. a list will do.

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cranberry smoothies
hendrix, my fish
the pet shop i found downtown that actually lets you play with the puppies!
my poetry teacher
long drives at night in a car i don't own
living on my own
a new yoga class
talking to my mom a lot
not drinking/finding other things to do
neko, my cousin's new puppy that i've only seen once
watching snow fall from a warm dorm room
tony ofcourse
xoxo
old pioneer co-op
iowa city before classes started
flavored bigelow fruit teas
bright pink toenail polish in the season where no one sees them
a spring break trip to LA (SUN!!!)
creative writing class
rhetoric teacher asking me out for a drink (cute guy that listens to modest mouse!)

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freezing rain
poems i don't understand
superbowl
parking tickets
living on my own
my roommate's laziness
the stingy boy that moved in my boyfriend
worrying myself sick
what i believe is a sinus infection (a.k.a a brick in your head)
my girl doctor appointment
finding an apartment for next year

yes! the pluses outweigh the negatives.

life used to be safe. i used to be able to predict my future that lie clear and concise like the lines on my hardwood floor. now i'm living day by day, always a little worried, always a little fearful, but finally living only day by day. i think i'm growing up. i know that beauty can only be found through a little conflict, a little confusion, never in monotony. (beauty can hurt, but beauty can change.)

as for the new year, i've decided to be a little easier on myself, my life, my friends, my family.. my mom has always said, "everybody's just trying to survive." that always seemed ugly to me, but it's the truth. it's why we let certain people in (and leave certain people out), it controls our every thought, emotion and motion. in previous years, my new year's resolution was to be perfect. ofcourse that never panned out. usually i headed in the opposite direction of perfect, and in the crazy span of life, that direction has lead me where i am right now.

i'm thankful for that.