"i love every morning opening my windows and seeing you looking so pretty. and by windows i mean eyes."
-what said groggily told me this morning before i went to work

shifting

i wore my t-shirt with a rainbow on it today. i walked slowly. i tried to enjoy the scenery, the people, the decaf latte i picked up at starbucks.

then i got to work and a big sign with a rainbow that reads "have faith. things fall apart so that things can fall together" was stuck to my computer. it's a sign i gave to stefan a few months ago when he was having a hard time. it's my turn to remember that saying. there was also a card on my keyboard from my boss that said, "just a note to let you know that you and your family are in my thoughts as your dad goes through this. from all that you have told me, i know that he is very strong and positive, and he will surely come through this experience even stronger."

how lucky am i? how lucky is my family? we're surrounded by people who love us and want to help us through this time. last night i told my dad that i'd asked a lot of people to pray for him. he said that he already knew that. he could already feel it.

i feel like i've been so negative lately but in the face of this news i'm ready to shift that perspective. negativity isn't getting me anywhere and it certainly won't help my dad. so today i'm going to walk slow and enjoy my latte and send lots of love to my family in iowa.

"the first noble truth says simply that it's part of being human to feel discomfort. we don't even have to call it suffering anymore; we dont even have to call it discomfort. it's simply coming to know the fireyness of fire, the wildness of wind, the turbulence of water, the upheaval of earth, as well as the warmth of fire, the coolness and smoothness of water, the gentleness of the breezes, and the goodness, solidness, and dependability of the earth. nothing in its essence is one way or the other.the four elements take on different qualities; they're like magicians. sometimes they manifest in one form and sometimes in another.... the first noble truth recognizes that we also change like the weather, we ebb and flow like the tides, we wax and wane like the moon. "
pema chodron

Intention

From Jillian, a yoga teacher in New York City:

As the Maitri Upanishad states, "As is ones thought, so one becomes." Your intentions and thoughts create your actions. When you set an intention you become clearer about why you're doing something; what kind of attitude you want to commit to having; and what you hope to cultivate from the experience. In addition, when you are clear about our intention, you can more easily recognize any actions, reactions or self-talk that doesn't support you. But the thing to remember – the really important thing- is that you can recommit to your intention in any moment.

In yoga, we practice to cultivate presence so that we can be with each breath – in each moment. When we are present in this way, our actions most closely reflect our intentions. Our actions become the art that our intentions create.

Of course this is hard work! But when you feel that your intentions have flown out the window, you can pause, take a breath, and start again in ANY moment, ANY time!

I do this with my 4 year old son William all the time. When he acts out in an unacceptable way, (if I can catch myself from the knee jerk reaction of just yelling at him) I ask him, “Do you want to choose another way of saying that?” Or, “do you want to start again? Have a redo?” And he always chooses the opportunity to start over. This not only helps ME feel better as I have an opportunity to let go of my own anger response (and I always like his second choice better) but he also feels so much better because as he regains control of his actions and feelings. Plus he's usually so much happier with the response from everyone. (Starting over again, winds up being a win win for everyone!)

The good news is you don’t have to act out in a reproachful way to get a chance to ‘start again’. You can do it with at any time you feel a little of course. Each breath is a chance to be more conscious: Take a deep breath, pause, and choose to act in a way that expresses your deepest intentions.

After all... "Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony"

the great thing about change is that it absolutely, positively, always means things are going to get even better. even when you don’t know how.

salt&water

the degree of love we manifest determines the degree of spaciousness and freedom we can bring to lifes events. imagine taking a very small glass or water and putting into it a teaspoon of salt. because of the small size of the container, the teaspoon of salt is going to have a big effect on the water. however, if you approach a much larger body of water, such as a lake, and put into it the same teaspoonful of salt, it will not have the same intensity of impact, because of the vastness and openness of the vessel receiving it. even when the salt remains the same, the spaciousness of the vessel receiving it changes everything. we spend a lot of our lives looking for a feeling of safety or protection--we try to alter the amount of salt that comes our way. ironically, the salt is the very thing that we cannot do anything about, as life changes and offers us repeated ups and downs. our true work is to create a container so immense that any amount of salt, even a truckload, can come into it without affecting our capacity to receive it.

sharon salzberg

more house daydreaming

well said

a refreshing entry from my girl bonkosi:

let go of the petty stuff that is seemingly ruinous. love more. love deeply. be open, ready, willing to start fresh. drink more wine. indulge in good food. be more spontaneous. don't take myself so seriously. breath...deeply. embrace a more healthy lifestyle {yoga, cycling, walking, h20, etc}. be a constant source of positive energy. smile often. laugh always. be grateful for amazing friends and family. embrace life and all that is has to offer. invest in my creative outlets. enjoy.

a new year.

a new year. a new house. a new roommate. a new walk to work. a new coffeeshop. a new walk home from work. a new bed.

all of these changes are welcomed and embraced. though it was said's birthday yesterday we spent most of the day cuddled in bed eating pizza and watching movies and recovering from ringing in the new year. we're in a state of bliss.

i got an email from the beautiful and always inspiring marie yesterday:

"may your moving day be free of icy stairs.

may your new home be full of color and light.

may your love grow.

may your year be happy."