on being brave.

tonight at yoga kyra spoke about opening rather than resisting, and it really resonated with me. there have been a lot of things in my path lately that have been more than easy to resist - resist my dad's cancer, resist my grandma's death, resist problems at work. mostly resisting the fact that for the past month my heart has felt big and vulnerable and totally terrified. i can honestly feel it sometimes when i wake up in the morning, or when i go to bed. like this giant untamed orb in the center of my chest, needing a little attention, and instead i hunch my shoulders and go back to sleep.

all of this living requires a lot of bravery, whether we are aware of it every moment or not. there's a lot of putting yourself on the line, a lot of disappointment, but also tremendous amounts of love and compassion when we're ready for it. it's the reason i've turned to yoga and a reason that i plan on spending the rest of my life teaching others how to allow it into their lives too. because when i first laid down on that mat this evening, i wanted to either scream or cry or explode. but when i stood up i could hear my breath, slow and labrious. and i walked home rather slowly too, noticing the sharpness of the stars and the amount of garbage in our lawn. and then i shut the door and just cried.

and for that i thank you.