introvert?

over brunch a couple of months ago, jeri called me introverted. "introverted?" i said. we'd just spent the prior evening dancing, laughing, running down fourteenth street. "it's not a bad thing," she said laughing at my reaction, thinking she meant i didn't even enjoy being around people. "you just recharge from being alone rather than from being around a huge group of people." she was right. i am introverted, and i had a completely misconstrued conception of what that meant. i felt like i was still carrying a little fifth-grade fear of being found out that i'd rather stay home and finish reading roald dahl then go to the skate along downtown. (my hangouts and reading preferences have since changed.)

i'm moving into a studio apartment in a couple of months so that i can walk around in my underwear, listen to the same songs on repeat, and go to bed as early as i want. i'm taking a trip to jamaica alone in a couple of weeks. i like to spend the occasional weekend evening alone in my pjs watching old black and white movies. but i also love being around people. i'm always looking for inspiration - books, quotations, bands, art, whatever it might be. i was confused by this when i was younger. was i the social butterfly type? or the book-loving coffee shop girl? it took me all through college, and living in a couple of very large, daunting cities, to realize that i could be both. some of my loneliest times were ones that i was surrounded with hundreds of people.

settling into my post-college life has allowed me a balance. since i'm not a bartender anymore (thank god) i don't have to muster up the energy to serve perfect strangers pint after pint. instead i get to sit cross legged at my desk editing copy, drinking tea, and today listening to the be good tanyas. and i have a choice at the end of the day - head home to put on pajama pants and finish the book i've delved into or head out for a cup of coffee with a friend. i think today is the sort of day for the second option.