being here.

for some reason i pictured the weekend weather as perfect for a bike ride but was wrong. i was snowed it for the majority of the weekend. friday i went to an early yoga class after work and then met with michael francis (fondly known as francis to most of his friends) who was visiting from san fran. we went to etete for lots of spongy bread and veggies and then headed to saint-ex for a few belgian beers. i hadn't seen him for at least a year, maybe two years, and it was so nice to spend the evening with someone who was a part of my life in iowa city, though it does make me a little nostalgic. seeing pieta brown at the mill, reading magazines at prairie lights and drinking a huge latte, bartending till three and then making pancakes with doug, going for long runs down governor and ending up god knows where, 109 east market (ofcourse)... but it doesn't make me nostalgic the way it used to. when i left before i was always heading back, whether i was interning in new york or studying in london, i knew i'd be going back so i could never firmly plant my feet where they were. one foot there, one foot here. but now i can make a list just as long for my life dc of the things i adore, abhore, all of the above. for once, i'm just here.

"it is often the case that whatever we are doing, be it sitting, walking, standing, or lying, the mind is frequently disengaged from the immediate reality and is instead absorbed in compulsive conceptualization about the future or past. while we are walking, we think about arriving, and when we arrive, we think about leaving. when we are eating, we think about the dishes and as we do the dishes, we think about watching television. this is a weird way to run a mind. we are not connected with the present situation, but we are always thinking about something else. too often we are consumed with anxiety and cravings, regrets about the past and anticipation for the future, completely missing the crisp simplicity of the moment."
b. alan wallace, tibetan buddhism from the ground up