new notebook for scribbles and collages and wacky ideas - sunshine - an airplane playlist - a healing father - morning yoga class - wanting to tell you how much i love you pretty much all the time - flying across the world tomorrow - sand between my toes - real chai tea and good conversation at nirvana - slowing down
..... see you soon.
from kelly rae:
"do you ever feel like you're settling into a newer version of yourself? it feels vague and a bit awkward at first, like the beginnings of a new habit, but then you sort of fall into it gradually. eventually, you wake up one day and feel a bit different, a bit new, a bit more solid in your everyday skin. it's a very hard thing to describe except to say it sort of feels a bit like growing up...but in the best of ways.
it's been insanely beautiful around here. california is teaching me to love what it has to offer. and what it has to offer is perfect weather and some pretty amazing people, too. after 1.5 years of living here (and only 9 more months to go), it feels like i'm falling into my friendships a bit more, much like i'm falling into myself. feels good really, really good."
the countdown begins.
one day until my dad gets to come home. three days until we board the plane to dubai. four days until my toes are in the sand. five weeks until alyssa is here. three months until j&b move to dc.
then springtime. farmers markets. riding my bike in flip flops with a scarf in my hair. drum circle. morning yoga with the windows thrown open. cherry blossoms. late night beers on the patio.
i want to learn to bake, and to bead, and to let go and fly just a little bit higher.
"how soon not now becomes never."
my dad went in for his surgery at eleven this morning. it should last about four hours and then he'll spend a few days in the hospital and several weeks off of his feet. my mom said that he got a private a room so she'll be staying with him tonight, though he insists she stay in a nearby hotel. she's certainly had her overfill of hospitals lately but still continues to be so strong.
he sounded peaceful and prepared and ready to get this over with. i hate being this far away. i want to give him a big hug and brew mom some tea. so instead i went to saint matthews, a gorgeous catholic church across the street. i walked in on a mass so i stayed for a few prayers and stopped to light a candle for him. just being there made me feel protected; something from my childhood like mac and cheese and chasing geese at the lake; and in turn made me realize how safely he is being watched on his journey right now.
and i just got this from my soul friend stefan:
JUST WANTED TO SAY: I LOVE YOU AND I'M TRULY GRATEFUL THAT YOU ARE MY FRIEND.
ALSO: DADDY LARUE ROCKS THE PLANET, AND I WISH HIM ALL THE POSITIVITY IN THE UNIVERSE, PLUS A SUPER SPEEDY RECOVERY.
I HEART MB+FAMILY.
beannacht
("blessing")
on the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.
and when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.
when the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.
may the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
and so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.
john o'donohue
eventhough i'm sick it has been such a lovely weekend. very lazy.
a chipotle-infused hot chocolate and reading at the new chocolate shop on 14th/a bright pink manicure and pedicure/alyssa's coming for 4 days in april!/built two new websites/lots of new clothes for work @ lululemon
and i've been daydreaming about these two things a lot (like alot alot.. unhealthily alot):
tonight i made a big mug of tea and changed into my pajamas at seven. it's cold. it's february. and i have absolutely no desire to traipse around dc. instead i wanted a lot of time just to myself. i'm finding that this is the case a lot lately. i derive a lot of pleasure from slowing down, climbing into bed with a book, writing letters, working on whatever new project i've dreamed up.
when said and i moved into our apartment i dedicated a bookcase in our artsy room to my journals, the twenty-odd moleskines i've filled up since my 18th birthday. and sometimes when i'm really needing some advice i come to them, sit down on the floor cross-legged and read back over the past six years. things haven't really changed that much. some of the major players have changed - new loves, new friends, new coffeeshops - but all in all the girl writing years ago is still someone i recognize. sometimes someone i painfully miss. and sometimes someone i'm glad i have a few years on. but no matter what, the dreams i had then haven't changed a bit and i feel that i'm still s l o w l y but surely moving towards them.
i came across this entry tonight with a passage from sabrina ward harrison. i fell in love with her first book when i was in highschool and have come back to her books as often as i come back to my own journals.
"so much checking email, catching the train, grabbing lunch. i want a painting room. i want morning glories climbing overhead. i want great mix tapes and backyard wine drinking. i want really low-key folks. i want to give it up. give up the competition. the city thrives on it. the standards are so high. what really rests at the top? i don't like seeing myself in the mirror trying to get there. i look trashy when i do. i look better camping. i feel better in pjs and socks. where can i go that is simple anymore?"
