and i don't even like sleeping this much...

i have slept a total of sixteen hours since last night. i'm home sick again. i went to bed at nine feeling awful and woke up feeling awful. hopefully this influx of sleep, apples, and water (oh, and a handful of those mini cadbury eggs) will knock this out of me. for good.

from my bed i've
1) read the newest issue of jane 2) am on chapter six of erica jong's fear of flying 3) have read a lot of emails 4) have watched a few trashy television shows that i won't even name 5) have made a few new playlists

and now i'm going back to sleep.

spring?

is spring here? i'm sure i'm speaking too soon. i have a habit of that. i walked outside today wrapped from head to toe in a scarf, mittens, and my winter coat, and was peeling off layers by fourteenth street. it's strange that after just a couple of months of actual winter, i'd kind of forgotten what it was like to feel warm (at least in d.c., negril was more than warm.) i remembered one day in july when brian and i stopped by l'enfant, a little french restaurant on the corners of u and eighteenth streets, drank several belgian beers and then headed to meridian park for the drum circle. it was unbelievably hot, but we were able to shimmy our way into the circle and sit on a concrete ledge under a tree. it seemed like the perfect thing to do on a summer sunday. ah, warm weather.. flip flops, yoga in the park, lying on my deck to take a nap, long runs and bicycle rides, ice cream. i don't know if i could ever live somewhere where there wasn't four seasons. i love the ebb and flow.

being here.

for some reason i pictured the weekend weather as perfect for a bike ride but was wrong. i was snowed it for the majority of the weekend. friday i went to an early yoga class after work and then met with michael francis (fondly known as francis to most of his friends) who was visiting from san fran. we went to etete for lots of spongy bread and veggies and then headed to saint-ex for a few belgian beers. i hadn't seen him for at least a year, maybe two years, and it was so nice to spend the evening with someone who was a part of my life in iowa city, though it does make me a little nostalgic. seeing pieta brown at the mill, reading magazines at prairie lights and drinking a huge latte, bartending till three and then making pancakes with doug, going for long runs down governor and ending up god knows where, 109 east market (ofcourse)... but it doesn't make me nostalgic the way it used to. when i left before i was always heading back, whether i was interning in new york or studying in london, i knew i'd be going back so i could never firmly plant my feet where they were. one foot there, one foot here. but now i can make a list just as long for my life dc of the things i adore, abhore, all of the above. for once, i'm just here.

"it is often the case that whatever we are doing, be it sitting, walking, standing, or lying, the mind is frequently disengaged from the immediate reality and is instead absorbed in compulsive conceptualization about the future or past. while we are walking, we think about arriving, and when we arrive, we think about leaving. when we are eating, we think about the dishes and as we do the dishes, we think about watching television. this is a weird way to run a mind. we are not connected with the present situation, but we are always thinking about something else. too often we are consumed with anxiety and cravings, regrets about the past and anticipation for the future, completely missing the crisp simplicity of the moment."
b. alan wallace, tibetan buddhism from the ground up

excerpt from "through the looking glass" :

a human face is a particularly cooperative subject for contemplation, as our faces are such miraculous and expressive creations. from the small vicinity of your face, you are able to blush, kiss, speak, sing, and weep. it also by your face that you are recognizable, and also from your face that you are able to recognize others. more than 1,500 year ago, st. augustine wrote that he was astonished every time he walked down a city street and considered the sheer variety of human faces. what an extraordinary artist god must be, he contemplated, to create such a multiplicity of appearances using the same basic components each time: two eyes, two ears, one nose, one mouth...

elizabeth gilbert

just another day in jamaica.

bliss.

ah, travel. the split-second decisions as simple as should i go right or left?, the surprise of new friendships, the unmatchable beauty of see(k)ing a place with fresh eyes. i danced at rastafarian reggage shows. i ate plantains and ackee. i climbed a waterfall. i got a sunburn and freckles on my nose. i was proposed to by my taxi driver. i hitchhiked a ride with a colorado bluegrass band. i did sun salutations on a cliff overlooking the ocean. i bought shell earrings on the side of the road. i awoke naturally to the sunrise. i drank red stripe before noon. i cliff jumped. i got stung by a jellyfish. i stood on my hands. i slowed down. i was able to just be without the distractions of everyday life.

"tension is who you think you should be. relaxation is who you are."

chinese proverb

cupid's day

happy valentine's day.

tomorrow i take off for jamaica for a week of yoga and sunshine and no distractions. lots of writing and musing when i return.

xoxo.

an adventure in motherland.

no, not that kind of love.

this is love: to fly toward a secret sky,
to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.
first, to let go of live.
in the end, to take a step without feet;
to regard this world as invisible,
and to disregard what appears to be the self.

heart, i said, what a gift it has been
to enter this circle of lovers,
to see beyond seeing itself,
to reach and feel within the breast.

-rumi

a different sort of morning.

this morning i woke up at five to a two-year-old heel kicking me in the stomach. liam wanted his "binky" and once i'd found it, he snuggled back under the covers for a two more hours of sleep. i, on the other hand, couldn't sleep. i started worrying about getting them both dressed for school, fed, and dropped off at daycare in time. the worries were completely unjustified though. we all glided through our own morning routines - mine being a shower, mascara, and my bag packed, liam and turner's being pirates, dinosaurs, dragons, avoiding getting dressed, and toaster strudels. i decided to get a chai before dropping them off at daycare. turner opted to sit in the car, but liam wanted to come along. while i stood in line, liam wandered around falling down, getting back, falling down again. i kept laughing at him, as did everyone else in the shop, and helping him back up. only when we got outside did i realize that his bright green snow boots were very obviously on the wrong feet.

"who is this young delinquent mother who can't dress her son?"

oops.

but now i'm back to only dressing myself, and my boots are always on the right feet.