2.23.2008

a saturday night

tonight i made a big mug of tea and changed into my pajamas at seven. it's cold. it's february. and i have absolutely no desire to traipse around dc. instead i wanted a lot of time just to myself. i'm finding that this is the case a lot lately. i derive a lot of pleasure from slowing down, climbing into bed with a book, writing letters, working on whatever new project i've dreamed up.

when said and i moved into our apartment i dedicated a bookcase in our artsy room to my journals, the twenty-odd moleskines i've filled up since my 18th birthday. and sometimes when i'm really needing some advice i come to them, sit down on the floor cross-legged and read back over the past six years. things haven't really changed that much. some of the major players have changed - new loves, new friends, new coffeeshops - but all in all the girl writing years ago is still someone i recognize. sometimes someone i painfully miss. and sometimes someone i'm glad i have a few years on. but no matter what, the dreams i had then haven't changed a bit and i feel that i'm still s l o w l y but surely moving towards them.

i came across this entry tonight with a passage from sabrina ward harrison. i fell in love with her first book when i was in highschool and have come back to her books as often as i come back to my own journals.

"so much checking email, catching the train, grabbing lunch. i want a painting room. i want morning glories climbing overhead. i want great mix tapes and backyard wine drinking. i want really low-key folks. i want to give it up. give up the competition. the city thrives on it. the standards are so high. what really rests at the top? i don't like seeing myself in the mirror trying to get there. i look trashy when i do. i look better camping. i feel better in pjs and socks. where can i go that is simple anymore?"


2.20.2008

there are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
edith wharton

(sunrise, lake atitlan, guatemala)


ask for forgiveness later

on the chalkboard in our kitchen i scribbled "leap and the net will appear," a saying often used in the artist's way and a beautiful reminder to live in the moment. well i've leapt and this net has turned out to be far grander than any net i could've imagined.

i've begun working part-time at a yoga shop called lululemon. last night at training the manager said, "just do it and ask for forgiveness later," meaning trust yourself. follow your gut. if you want to make a big change trust your creative impulse. and if it doesn't work out, we'll fix it later. i feel like i hold myself to such strict rules. do this, be on time, say this, and to let go and slow down (even just a teensy bit) opens entire worlds i maybe wouldn't have seen before. i've been trying to do incorporate this "act now" philosophy more into my life. maybe i wake up and am running a little late, but rather than panic i make myself a big tea to walk to work with. or stay up a little later reading the stack of magazines i've neglected.

it's time to sink in and enjoy a little bit. get messy. throw some paint around. make some mistakes.

"you must learn to welcome consciously the most unexpected events of life, to be entirely transparent in front of them, without any motive, either right or wrong. at that moment avoid all judgment, for you do not know what law is in operation."
lizelle reymond

let it all go

let go of the ways you thought life would unfold; the holding of plans or dreams or expectations – let it all go.

save your strength to swim with the tide.

the choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in a struggle, fear, and desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for.

let go. let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days whether you receive it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.

take on faith: the mind may never find the explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward nonetheless.
let go and the wave’s crests will carry you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams or destinations.

let it all go and find the place of rest and peace, and certain transformation.

dana fould


well said.

from swirly girl:

"I realized that my recent efforts towards connecting all of the Things I Do - or I should say my efforts towards sharing the Things I Do in a way that expresses their interconnectedness - is not about wanting to put forth some sort of image or ideal or glamorized version of myself. If anything, I feel like I am running the risk of diluting the titles I put on things like business cards. Artist. Writer. Swirly. If anything, I am trying to create something much broader, something that conveys the fact that I do many things and have many pursuits, but they are all linked by one overriding value, which is to create a passion-fueled life. If I wanted to simply be an artist, I would create art every day and try to get it sold and exhibited. If I wanted to be a writer I would write and try to get my work published. If I wanted to be a photographer...etcetera, etcetera.

But my life is not guided by just one thing, and I do not believe it is just one thing I do that makes my life worthwhile. I am learning instead that the possibilities for my life are much wider, broader and full of possibility than I have been imagining for myself - and I've dreamed BIG, believe me. The reason I know this is because the journey I am now on has connected me to some of the most astounding human beings on the planet, people who have their own amazing, inspiring stories to tell, and somehow we have found our way to each other. These connections are becoming more frequent, more meaningful and more life-affirming. I consider each new encounter a confirmation that I am on the right path.

I am an artist, a writer, a wife, a friend, a traveler, a housekeeper, a grocery shopper, an organizer, a photographer, a daughter, a blog reader, a website designer, an entreperneur, a runner, a cyclist, and a philosopher. I am not especially confident in the kitchen, get distracted easily, love road trips, have bouts of overwhelming fear and insecurity, and love the smell of celery salt. I am just living my life, and trying to make it as meaningful as possible. I am trying to do my best and to be authentic. I am trying to operate from a place of integrity every step of the way. I am trying to be a positive force in the world, and I have written of these things before. But I think I have been missing a huge part of the landscape that is available to me, and I now see that my life isn't about a specific title or job description; it isn't about accomplishing some grand goal that the rest of the world defines as success. It is about following my own path, expressing myself, trusting my heart and sharing my journey.

I will be writing more about this I know, as I continue to try to define exactly what it is I am talking about, but for now I dare you to expand the vision you have for yourself, for your relationships, your dreams, your work, your life. Dare to know that there is tremendous abundance available to you right now...at this very moment...and that there are so many things you do that play a part in creating a life that makes your heart sparkle. It is all the little things that create the larger story, the deeper meaning, the wider vision. Dare to throw the titles you've given yourself away and instead see that all the possible monikers you might have are what actually creates the unique tapestry that is you."

2.19.2008

An Incomplete Manifesto for Growth

1. Allow events to change you. You have to be willing to grow. Growth is different from something that happens to you. You produce it. You live it. The prerequisites for growth: the openness to experience events and the willingness to be changed by them.

2. Forget about good. Good is a known quantity. Good is what we all agree on. Growth is not necessarily good. Growth is an exploration of unlit recesses that may or may not yield to our research. As long as you stick to good you'll never have real growth.

3. Process is more important than outcome. When the outcome drives the process we will only ever go to where we've already been. If process drives outcome we may not know where we’re going, but we will know we want to be there.

4. Love your experiments (as you would an ugly child). Joy is the engine of growth. Exploit the liberty in casting your work as beautiful experiments, iterations, attempts, trials, and errors. Take the long view and allow yourself the fun of failure every day.

5. Go deep. The deeper you go the more likely you will discover something of value.

6. Capture accidents. The wrong answer is the right answer in search of a different question. Collect wrong answers as part of the process. Ask different questions.

7. Study. A studio is a place of study. Use the necessity of production as an excuse to study. Everyone will benefit.

8. Drift. Allow yourself to wander aimlessly. Explore adjacencies. Lack judgment. Postpone criticism.

9. Begin anywhere. John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere.

10. Everyone is a leader. Growth happens. Whenever it does, allow it to emerge. Learn to follow when it makes sense. Let anyone lead.

11. Harvest ideas. Edit applications. Ideas need a dynamic, fluid, generous environment to sustain life. Applications, on the other hand, benefit from critical rigor. Produce a high ratio of ideas to applications.

12. Keep moving. The market and its operations have a tendency to reinforce success. Resist it. Allow failure and migration to be part of your practice.

13. Slow down. Desynchronize from standard time frames and surprising opportunities may present themselves.

14. Don’t be cool. Cool is conservative fear dressed in black. Free yourself from limits of this sort.

15. Ask stupid questions. Growth is fueled by desire and innocence. Assess the answer, not the question. Imagine learning throughout your life at the rate of an infant.

16. Collaborate. The space between people working together is filled with conflict, friction, strife, exhilaration, delight, and vast creative potential.

17. ____________________. Intentionally left blank. Allow space for the ideas you haven’t had yet, and for the ideas of others.

18. Stay up late. Strange things happen when you’ve gone too far, been up too long, worked too hard, and you're separated from the rest of the world.

19. Work the metaphor. Every object has the capacity to stand for something other than what is apparent. Work on what it stands for.

20. Be careful to take risks. Time is genetic. Today is the child of yesterday and the parent of tomorrow. The work you produce today will create your future.

21. Repeat yourself. If you like it, do it again. If you don’t like it, do it again.

22. Make your own tools. Hybridize your tools in order to build unique things. Even simple tools that are your own can yield entirely new avenues of exploration. Remember, tools amplify our capacities, so even a small tool can make a big difference.

23. Stand on someone’s shoulders. You can travel farther carried on the accomplishments of those who came before you. And the view is so much better.

24. Avoid software. The problem with software is that everyone has it.

25. Don’t clean your desk. You might find something in the morning that you can’t see tonight.

26. Don’t enter awards competitions. Just don’t. It’s not good for you.

27. Read only left-hand pages. Marshall McLuhan did this. By decreasing the amount of information, we leave room for what he called our "noodle."

28. Make new words. Expand the lexicon. The new conditions demand a new way of thinking. The thinking demands new forms of expression. The expression generates new conditions.

29. Think with your mind. Forget technology. Creativity is not device-dependent.

30. Organization = Liberty. Real innovation in design, or any other field, happens in context. That context is usually some form of cooperatively managed enterprise. Frank Gehry, for instance, is only able to realize Bilbao because his studio can deliver it on budget. The myth of a split between "creatives" and "suits" is what Leonard Cohen calls a 'charming artifact of the past.'

31. Don’t borrow money. Once again, Frank Gehry’s advice. By maintaining financial control, we maintain creative control. It’s not exactly rocket science, but it’s surprising how hard it is to maintain this discipline, and how many have failed.

32. Listen carefully. Every collaborator who enters our orbit brings with him or her a world more strange and complex than any we could ever hope to imagine. By listening to the details and the subtlety of their needs, desires, or ambitions, we fold their world onto our own. Neither party will ever be the same.

33. Take field trips. The bandwidth of the world is greater than that of your TV set, or the Internet, or even a totally immersive, interactive, dynamically rendered, object-oriented, real-time, computer graphic–simulated environment.

34. Make mistakes faster. This isn’t my idea -- I borrowed it. I think it belongs to Andy Grove.

35. Imitate. Don’t be shy about it. Try to get as close as you can. You'll never get all the way, and the separation might be truly remarkable. We have only to look to Richard Hamilton and his version of Marcel Duchamp’s large glass to see how rich, discredited, and underused imitation is as a technique.

36. Scat. When you forget the words, do what Ella did: make up something else ... but not words.

37. Break it, stretch it, bend it, crush it, crack it, fold it.

38. Explore the other edge. Great liberty exists when we avoid trying to run with the technological pack. We can’t find the leading edge because it’s trampled underfoot. Try using old-tech equipment made obsolete by an economic cycle but still rich with potential.

39. Coffee breaks, cab rides, green rooms. Real growth often happens outside of where we intend it to, in the interstitial spaces -- what Dr. Seuss calls "the waiting place." Hans Ulrich Obrist once organized a science and art conference with all of the infrastructure of a conference -- the parties, chats, lunches, airport arrivals — but with no actual conference. Apparently it was hugely successful and spawned many ongoing collaborations.

40. Avoid fields. Jump fences. Disciplinary boundaries and regulatory regimes are attempts to control the wilding of creative life. They are often understandable efforts to order what are manifold, complex, evolutionary processes. Our job is to jump the fences and cross the fields.

41. Laugh. People visiting the studio often comment on how much we laugh. Since I've become aware of this, I use it as a barometer of how comfortably we are expressing ourselves.

42. Remember. Growth is only possible as a product of history. Without memory, innovation is merely novelty. History gives growth a direction. But a memory is never perfect. Every memory is a degraded or composite image of a previous moment or event. That’s what makes us aware of its quality as a past and not a present. It means that every memory is new, a partial construct different from its source, and, as such, a potential for growth itself.

43. Power to the people. Play can only happen when people feel they have control over their lives. We can't be free agents if we’re not free.

Grow, grow, grow.

2.17.2008

"do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach, check your road and the nature of your battle. the world you desire can be won. it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

ayn rand

2.16.2008

home sweet home

oh iowa, how i love your quietness and simplicity. sleeping in and waking up to hazelnut coffee and heaping plates of strawberry pancakes. taking a four-hour nap in the middle of the afternoon because, well, there's nothing else to do. the four of us sitting around our fireplace and drinking cheap vino.

i am literally doing nothing. i have books to read i haven't touched. i don't really feel like watching television. it seems too cold to go for walks. so instead i do a little yoga, a lot of sitting, and just enjoy soaking up this time of peace and quiet, and lots of love.