a n a n d a

2009-08-12T12:13:00.000-05:00

new chapter, new blog:

http://marybethlarue.tumblr.com/

2009-07-26T16:23:00.001-05:00

2009-07-25T14:49:00.002-05:00

our greatest events are not our loudest hours, but rather our most quiet.
-nietzsche

2009-07-20T15:57:00.001-05:00

love doesn't just sit there like a stone; it has to be made, like bread, remade all the time, made new.
ursula le guin

2009-07-20T09:22:00.001-05:00

when you don't punish or condemn yourself, when you relax more and appreciate your body and mind, you begin to contact the fundamental notion of basic goodness in yourself. so it is extremely important to be willing to open yourself to yourself. developing tenderness toward yourself allows you to see both your problems and your potential accurately. you don't feel that you have to ignore your problems or exaggerate your potential. that kind of gentleness toward yourself and appreciation of yourself is very necessary. it provides the ground for helping yourself and others.

chögyam trungpa,

2009-07-20T09:21:00.001-05:00

dc - i already miss you.
la - i already love you.

2009-07-15T12:51:00.001-05:00

daydreaming of avocados from the farmers market, sun streaks in my hair and a little bit of a sunburn, saltwater on my skin. i want to feel like i'm on fire. lit up and alive.

2009-07-15T12:50:00.003-05:00

"you are not the limitation you have been taught to believe."
pat rodegast

2009-07-14T17:19:00.000-05:00

“the cure for anything is salt water - sweat, tears, or the sea.”
isak dinesen

2009-07-14T17:08:00.002-05:00

i've started packing my boxes. taking photographs and magazine cutouts off of the walls, frames off of my shelves, deciding what is making the move to california with me and what's staying behind. it feels good to lighten up a bit, and so strange to finally be going. but as i clear out clutter, i can make space for what is new and what's to come.

2009-06-28T15:52:00.003-05:00

june

2009-06-25T22:07:00.004-05:00

things i want more of:

fresh daisies from the farmers market

hanging out with my brother & enjoying another month in the same city

a few late summer evenings at the drum circle

yoga, yoga, yoga

a couple of hours in the evening to be quiet & by myself

riding my bike through rock creek and then on the boardwalk

twilight books (i know but i can't help it)

sleeping in at least once a week and waking up to the sun

strawberry waffles in iowa and laying in the dock

a couple of hours in the evening to enjoy a glass of vino with my girlies

mangoes

california - beach cruisers, sand, my boyfriend

bite off more than you can chew, then chew it.

ella williams

2009-06-18T10:34:00.001-05:00

the grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
allan k. chalmers

2009-06-15T20:14:00.009-05:00

gratitude is the heart's memory.
french proverb

2009-06-04T16:58:00.001-05:00

to find yourself, your true self, you simply begin to peel away that which doesn’t fit. find out what you’re not, and you will find out who you are. if you don’t like yoga, don’t practice yoga. find what makes you happy and that becomes your yoga.
-enlighten up

2009-06-01T20:05:00.000-05:00

life is "trying things to see if they work."
ray bradbury

how to climb a mountain

2009-05-29T21:09:00.002-05:00

make no mistake. this will be an exercise in staying vertical.
yes, there will be a view, later, a wide swath of open sky,
but in the meantime: tree and stone. if you're lucky, a hawk will
coast overhead, scanning the forest floor. if you're lucky,
a set of wildflowers will keep you cheerful. mostly, though,
a steady sweat, your heart fluttering indelicately, a solid ache
perforating your calves. this is called work, what you will come to know,
eventually and simply, as movement, as all the evidence you need to make
your way. forget where you were. that story is no longer true.
level your gaze to the trail you're on, and even the dark won't stop you.
maya stein

brightness of being alive.

2009-05-25T18:03:00.002-05:00

"the brightness of being alive. it finds me in unexpected moments of calm, when my heart takes refuge from the ever growing to-do list, when my perfectionism gives way to feeling, to release. and when it arrives, the brightness feels deeply spacious and warm, like an intertwining celebration of all things brave in love. sometimes, i’ll admit, my mind cautions my heart not to trust the abundance...young memories of tragedy and loss can be hard to shake, i suppose. it can all be gone in a split second, the memory warns. it’s a warning that challenges me to feel disconnected from the present moment - the one that’s calling me to step in, stay awhile, and celebrate. we all have memories and life filters that haunt us, that creep in and try to steal the show even when we’ve done all the soul work to repair and heal. but i deeply believe that in our best moments, we can understand that our vulnerabilities are what connect us, that we can step into the power that is uniquely ours, play hard, love bravely, offer comfort to our younger, broken selves, and soar, always soar on the brightness of being alive."
- kelly rae

spring in iowa

2009-05-19T14:15:00.007-05:00

it takes a long time to become young.
pablo picasso

from blossoms

2009-05-15T10:15:00.002-05:00

from blossoms comes this brown paper bag of peaches we bought from the boy at the bend in the road where we turned toward signs painted peaches.

from laden boughs, from hands, from sweet fellowship in the bins, comes nectar at the roadside, succulent peaches we devour, dusty skin and all, comes the familiar dust of summer, dust we eat.

O, to take what we love inside, to carry within us an orchard, to eat not only the skin, but the shade, not only the sugar, but the days, to hold the fruit in our hands, adore it, then bite into the round jubilance of peach.

there are days we live as if death were nowhere in the background; from joy to joy to joy, from wing to wing, from blossom to blossom to impossible blossom, to sweet impossible blossom.

li-young lee

sunshine

2009-05-12T08:43:00.003-05:00

it's springbutalmostsummertime which means getting up early, lots of yoga, blue moons on the front porch, drum circle every sunday, long walks with the artichoke, riding bikes absolutely everywhere, freckles on my nose, harpers ferry, iced chais, pink toenails, fresh tomatoes and sunflowers at the farmers market, skirts and flip flops.

sun is shining, the weather is sweet now
make you want to move your dancing feet
to the rescue, here i am
want you to know just if you can
where i stand, know, know, know, where i stand.
bob marley

2009-05-08T22:26:00.001-05:00

What Is There Beyond Knowing?

What is there beyond knowing that keeps
calling to me? I can't

turn in any direction
but it's there. I don't mean

the leaves' grip and shine or even the thrush's
silk song, but the far-off

fires, for example,
of the stars, heaven's slowly turning

theater of light, or the wind
playful with its breath;

or time that's always rushing forward,
or standing still

in the same -- what shall I say --
moment.

What I know
I could put into a pack

as if it were bread and cheese, and carry it
on one shoulder,

important and honorable, but so small!
While everything else continues, unexplained

and unexplainable. How wonderful it is
to follow a thought quietly

to its logical end.
I have done this a few times.

But mostly I just stand in the dark field,
in the middle of the world, breathing

in and out. Life so far doesn't have any other name
but breath and light, wind and rain.

If there's a temple, I haven't found it yet.
I simply go on drifting, in the heaven of the grass
and the weeds.

Mary Oliver

2009-05-08T11:14:00.001-05:00

woo hoo - i get to be woman of the month:

http://thebrowngirlfiles.typepad.com/blog/2009/05/woman-of-the-month-marybeth-larue.html

thanks joan.

xoxo

2009-04-22T10:48:00.003-05:00

spring has returned. the earth is like a child that knows poems.

rainer maria rilke

2009-04-15T07:00:00.001-05:00

We don't need to control the world. We don't need to defend ourselves against it. We don't need to preserve anything. We only need to be here—totally, completely, freely—responding to the actual occasion.

–Steve Hagen

2009-03-31T12:01:00.001-05:00

The irony of commitment is that it’s deeply liberating — in work, in play, in love. The act frees you from the tyranny of your internal critic, from the fear that likes to dress itself up and parade around as rational hesitation. To commit is to remove your head as the barrier to your life.

– Anne Morriss

2009-03-12T09:01:00.001-05:00

Borrowed from Alex:

Push hard to get better, become smarter, grow your devotion to the truth, fuel your commitment to beauty, refine your emotional intelligence, hone your dreams, negotiate with your shadow, cure your ignorance, shed your pettiness, heighten your drive to look for the best in people, and soften your heart—even as you always accept yourself for exactly who you are with all of your so-called imperfections.

-Rob Brezsny

2009-03-06T10:12:00.001-05:00

“I must learn to love the fool in me–the one who feels too much, talks too much, takes too many chances, wins sometimes and loses often, lacks self-control, loves and hates, hurts and gets hurt, promises and breaks promises, laughs and cries. It alone protects me against that utterly self-controlled, masterful tyrant whom I also harbor and who would rob me of human aliveness, humility, and dignity but for my fool.”
— Theodore I. Rubin, MD

Transitions

2009-03-04T15:49:00.000-05:00

From Deb at Flow Yoga Center:

Many people (like me!) experience added stress and irritability if they try to continue their practices "as is" during transitional times or even during seasonal changes, without adding some balance to sooth their systems. The darker, colder months of winter are the most common time I get asked by students how they can stick with their practices and stay motivated. In addition to Hugh's wonderful tip, below are some ideas on how to keep your practice going when you are feeling less then fabulous:

*We tend to do our best when we are in harmony with the seasons. A balanced winter practice may include more vigorous yoga sequences that warm the body (think heat inducing sun salutations, longer held standing poses, deep twists) balanced with longer savasanas and adding some restorative classes such as harmony flow and yoga nidra into your routine.

*Yoga philosophy reminds us you cannot overcome negativity with negativity. If self defeating thoughts arise during class, try to think the opposite. Rephrase the negative with a positive mantra such as "I feel wonderful in this moment". In other words, fake it till you make it!

*Revisit your goals and set revised intentions that serve you. A big hint as to whether your plan is on the right track is how you feel post practice. If you feel re-invigorated and balanced you are on the right track. If you feel frustrated and angry, make a change. Spend a few moments putting your plan into your planner! Studies show we are able to follow through with our intentions more easily when we see them on a daily basis. * Serve others! If your only goal in practices is fitness or flexibility - look more deeply. Do some self inquiry on how the benefits of your personal practice can be shared with others. This is the ultimate inspiration of any yoga practice and the sooner you realize this you will recognize stronger motivations then you have ever felt before.

*Find creative ways to help you solidify your practice commitments. Pre-register for classes, commit to a series or seek out a "yoga buddy" to help keep on track. Two friends of mine set an intention for running a 10k and have set dates for practice runs in a local gym and classes in the studio ahead of time.

*Take small steps towards your goals. If you are beating yourself up for not being able to commit daily to your 30 minute morning meditation, try just 5 minutes! If you don't feel up for a full hour yoga practice, commit to practicing 9 sun salutations.

*Stay flexible and be as gentle with yourself as you would towards a friend when things feel challenging. Many find satisfaction when they already know their back up plan -- your run may not workout very well in the midst of a winter storm so if you already have plan b ideas in place (a favorite DVD or class schedule) you will be more likely to follow through.)

*Take cues from the light - try to align your more active times when it is lighter out - seek out lunch time yoga classes and save your more restorative practices for dusk and dawn. If possible wake up with the sun rise, start your day with reflective meditation before moving into a more vigorous practice.

2009-03-03T10:59:00.000-05:00

sent to me from my mama this morning:

Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Love the ones who don’t just because you can. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Kiss slowly. Forgive quickly. God never said like would be easy. He just promised it would be worth it.

2009-03-02T15:09:00.001-05:00

allow your body to become your temple; the pose your prayer.

bks iyengar

2009-03-02T10:28:00.003-05:00

after new years i always expect it to be an instant spring rather than another 3 or 4 looooong months until i can indulge in pedicures every few weeks and ride my bike without gloves. and now i'm enjoying a stay in my pajamas sort of monday.

a first birthday.

2009-02-26T11:09:00.001-05:00

little artichoke,

you've been in the world for just a year, and what an impact you've made in my life. i never thought that fuzzy, wrinkly little face would be able to melt my heart on a daily basis, but you've proven otherwise.

you've taught me that hourly naps are absolutely imperative; that plaster, though it may look tasteless, is worth devouring to the point of a massive hole in my wall; that it's okay to slow down and take a really long walk (followed by a really long nap of course); that size is not an issue at the dog park, it's about persistence and brute strength; that you should eat every time the possibility shows itself, even if that food doesn't belong to you (who knows when you'll be fed again, right?); that i'm going to be a total sucker as a mother, and this is only the beginning of a slippery slope.

love you my little artichoke.

2009-02-22T18:03:00.001-05:00

from lindsay :

100 Ideas by Keri Smith (a work in progress)

1. Go for a walk. Draw or list things you find on the the sidewalk. 2. Write a letter to yourself in the future. 3. Buy something inexpensive as a symbol for your need to create, (new pen, a tea cup, journal). Use it everyday. 4. Draw your dinner. 5. Find a piece of poetry you respond to. Rewrite it and glue it into your journal. 6. Glue an envelope into your journal. For one week collect items you find on the street. 7. Expose yourself to a new artist, (go to a gallery, or in a book.) Write about what moves you about it. 8. Find a photo of a person you do not know. Write a brief bio about them. 9. Spend a day drawing only red things. 10. Draw your bike. 11. Make a list of everything you buy in the next week. 12. Make a map of everywhere you went in one day. 13. Draw a map of the creases on your hand, (knuckles, palm) 14. Trace your footsteps with chalk. 15. Record an overheard conversation. 16. Trace the path of the moon in relation to where you live. 17. Go to a paint store. Collect ‘chips’ of all your favorite colors. 18. Draw your favorite tree. 19. Take 15 minutes to eat an orange. 20. Write a haiku. 21. Hang upside down for five minutes. 22. Hang found objects from tree branches. 23. Make a puppet. 24. Create an outdoor room from things you find in nature. 25. Read a book in one day. 26. Illustrate your grocery list. 27. Read a story out loud to a friend. 28. Write a letter to someone you admire. 29. Study the face of someone you do not like. 30. Make a meal based on a color theme. (i.e. all white). 31. Creat a museum of very small things. 32. List the smells in your neighborhood. 33. List 100 uses for a tin can. 34. Fill an entire page in your jounral with small circles. Color them in. 35. Give away something you love. 36. Choose an object, draw the side you can’t see. 37. List all of the places you’ve ever lived. 38. Describe your favourite room in detail. 39. Write about your relationship with your washing machine. 40. Draw all of the things in your purse/bag. 41. Make a mini book based on the theme, “my grocery list”. 42. Create a character based on someone you know. Write a list of personality traits. 43. Recall your favorite childhood game. 44. Put postcards of art pieces/painting on the inside of your kitchen cupboard doors, so you can see them everyday (but not become deaf to them.) 45. Draw the same object every day for a week. 46. Write in your journal using a different medium (brush & ink, charcoal, old typewriter, crayons, fat markers. 47. Draw the individual items of your favorite outfit. 48. Make a useful item using only paper & tape. 49. Research a celebration or ritual from another culture. 50. Do a temporary art installation using a pad of post it notes & a pen. 51. Draw a map of your favorite sitting spots in your town/city. (photocopy it and give it to someone you like.) 52. Record all of the sounds you hear in the course of one hours. 53. Using a grid, collect various textures from magazine and play them off of each other. 54. Cut out all media for one day. Write about the effects. 55. Make pencil rubbings of six different surfaces. 56. Draw your garbage. 57. Do a morning collage. 58. List your ten most important things, (not including animals or people.) 59. List ten things you would like to do every day. 60. Glue a photo of yourself as a child into your journal. 61. Trasform some garbage. 62. Write an entry in your journal in really LARGE letters. 63. Collect some ‘flat’ things in nature (leaves, flowers). Glue or tape them into your journal. 64. Physically alter a page. (i.e. cut a hole, pour tea on it, burn it, fold it, etc.) 65. Find several color combinations you respond to in public. Document them using swatches, write where you found them. 66. Write a journal entry describing something “secret”. Cut it up into several pieces and glue them back in scrambled. 67. Record descriptions or definitions of subjects or words you are interested in, found in encyclopedias or dictionaries. 68. Draw the outline of an object without looking at the page. (contour drawing). 69. What were you thinking just now? write it down. 70. Do nothing. 71. Write a list of ten things you could to do. Do the last thing on the list. 72. Create an image using dots. 73. Do 3 drawings at different speeds. 74. Put a small object in your left pocket (or in a bag), Put your left hand in the pocket. Draw it by feel. 75. Create a graph documenting or measuring something in your life. 76. Draw thesun. 77. Create instructions for a simple everyday task. 78. Make prints using food. (fruit and vegetables cut in half, fish, etc.) 79. Find a photo. Alter it by drawing over it. 80. Write a letter using an unconventional medium. 81. Draw one object for twenty minutes. 82. Combine two activities that have not been combined before. 83. Write about your day in an encyclopedic fashion. (i.e. organize by subject.) 84. Write a list of all the things you do to escape. 85. Cut a random shape out of several layers of a magazine. Make a collage out of the results. 86. Write an entry in code. 87. Make a painting using tools from the bathroom. 88. Work with a medium that is subtractive. 89. Write about or draw some of the doors in your life. 90. Make a postcard that has some kind of activity on it. 91. Divise a journal entry using “layers”. 92. Divise an entry using “layers”. 93. Write your own definition of one of the following concepts, sitting, waiting, sleeping (without using the actual word.) 94. List 10 of your habits. 95. Illustrate the concept of “simplicity”.

2009-02-21T00:23:00.000-05:00

"Wonderful stuff, you know, little things like that. Ah, but, those are the things I miss the most. The little idiosyncrasies that only I knew about. That's what made her my wife. Oh and she had the goods on me, too, she knew all my little peccadillos. People call these things imperfections, but they're not, aw that's the good stuff. And then we get to choose who we let into our weird little worlds. You're not perfect, sport. And let me save you the suspense. This girl you met, she isn't perfect either. But the question is: whether or not you're perfect for each other. That's the whole deal. That's what intimacy is all about. Now you can know everything in the world, sport, but the only way you're findin' out that one is by givin' it a shot. You certainly won't learn from an old fucker like me. Even if I did know, I wouldn't tell a pissant like you."

- Good Will Hunting

the truth

2009-02-19T14:13:00.002-05:00

i took this yoga personality quiz on my friend peggy's website, and it's so fitting.

you are a dancer.

you are a risk taker, love to try new things, and find routines boring.

when life is in balance - you are creative, enthusiastic, passionate, and flexible.

when life is out of balance - you feel nervous and anxious, with dramatic shifts in your emotions.

though you are drawn to a vinyasa flow practice, which brings out the best in you - you may also want to try a more grounding practice to balance you, like ashtanga yoga. you should avoid a practice with a rapid, heated pace and also the passive and still, opting always for more steady and slow. daily meditation will promote mental tranquility and equanimity - though you may have to sit for shorter, more frequent spaces of time.

your challenge is to find stillness throughout each pose without fidgeting, and to steady the mind and breath by keeping each regular, rhythmic, and flowing. try closing your eyes to reduce distractions of the mind.

winter is not your season - so be sure to include in your diet warm foods with heavy textures. try hot cereals, warm soups, and fresh baked bread. include sweet fruits and nuts, with hot herbal teas in the afternoon.

2009-02-17T10:19:00.000-05:00

"Someday after mastering winds, waves, tides and gravity, we shall harness the energies of love, and then, for the second time in the history of the world, man will discover fire." -Teilhard de Chardin

There are times when we share with others a special, fully interconnected consciousness. When great music thrills us, or we are mutually inspired by an awesome sunset, or when we fall in love, we are transported temporarily into a shared world which is remarkable.

This state of true intermingling is rare, for most of us, but it is experiential, and that means we know it for what it is; we feel it immediately as real and filled with meaning. When such an experience is past and we return to our normal, separated perceptions, the experience becomes a vulnerable memory, and our educated personality may reject the consciousness that knew this deeper connection.

Yet, the suspicion remains that there is something of mind that is not just inside our heads. We feel interconnected with each other and the world in a profound and important way. We know at some level that we are not isolated, but interdependent, so that a subtle energy of mine can reach out and mingle with yours, allowing us to share a moment that is important to both of us.

If we think of this potential extending beyond the two of us to a world full of living beings, we have the foundation for a model for global consciousness. Maybe, as Teilhard de Chardin believed, the world ultimately needs that shared consciousness and is actively growing toward it.

The research described here points to subtle indications that we do live in an interconnected, potentially conscious world, in which we surely play an important role. We have shown immense capacities for both destructive and creative impact, and this implies that the future is ours to mold.

It will be a desirable future in proportion to our level of consciousness, individually and globally.

-Roger Nelson

LOVE (happy valentines day.)

2009-02-14T23:29:00.008-05:00

yoga.

blue chip nachos.

sunlight.

my family and friends (in CAPS with a bazillion exclamation points!!!!!!!)

a good dose of both steadiness and spontaneity.

the beach.

bubblebaths.

rainy mornings when i don't have to be anywhere except my bed.

artichoke (for better or for worse.)

Love Spell: Against Endings

coffee and vino tinto.

my nest.

my bike and my scooter.

flowers and manicures - two of the best indulgences.

well said <3

2009-02-13T16:42:00.001-05:00

http://www.superherodesigns.com/journal/archives/001588.html

mmmmmmmmmmmm.....

2009-02-13T11:07:00.000-05:00

2009-02-12T10:04:00.001-05:00

2009-02-11T20:07:00.001-05:00

the meaning of our self is not to be found in its separateness from god and others, but in the ceaseless realisation of yoga, of union; not on the side of the canvas where it is blank, but on the side where the picture is being painted.

rabindranath tagore

2009-02-10T15:04:00.000-05:00

Manifesto of Style

1. Communicate who you are in all you do.
2. Style is multidimensional.
3. Style matters.
4. Authenticity is energizing, economical, and efficient.
5. Accentuate the positive.
6. People are like snowflakes—uniquely beautiful because of the details.
7. Pay attention to what attracts you.
8. Working from the outside in can create deep transformation.
9. Feel free to change.
10. True style is not dependent on wealth, and wealth does not necessarily create taste.
11. Cheap is expensive in the long run.
12. Use your best every day.
13. Choose from your heart, and your life will fill up with things you love.
14. Beauty transforms.
15. It’s always a good time to be yourself.
16. Only love is free—everything else costs.
17. Creativity + restraint = beauty.
18.Contrast makes things interesting.
19. Living is sensual.
20. Make more choices—moment to moment, day to day.

2009-01-25T11:28:00.001-05:00

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting--
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Mary Oliver

2009-01-18T13:44:00.001-05:00

"There's a point where you can give up on winter--when temptation can enter your soul, prying its way in like cold air through the cracks in your cabin--around January sixteenth or so, and this can make you realize that February's coming, and beyond February, March.

See, I don't yet realize that March will be the hardest month. Early February's the coldest, and often the snowiest, but March, strange, silent March, will be the hardest.

The danger in yielding to thoughts of spring--green grass, hikes, bare feet, lakes, fly-fishing, rivers, and sun, hot sun--is that once these thoughts enter your mind, you cant get them out.

Love the winter. Don't betray it. Be loyal.

When the spring gets here, love it too--and then the summer.

But be loyal to the winter, all the way through--all the way, and with sincerity--or you'll find yourself high and dry, longing for a spring that's a long way off, and winter will have abandoned you, and in her place you'll have cabin fever, the worst.

The colder it gets, the more you've got to love it."

~Rick Bass fr. Winter -Notes from Montana

the photographic dictionary

2009-01-18T09:52:00.003-05:00

(abundance, by david warren)

the photographic dictionary

2009-01-16T11:30:00.001-05:00

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

2009-01-13T10:28:00.002-05:00

"when people experiencing magical things in their life, that secret is the answer to all of those questions - why is this sacred? why does this feel larger than myself? why can't i put this into words? i think that's the secret. i think that's the connection that we have to one other."

- bon iver in an npr interview

2009-01-13T08:25:00.000-05:00

Things in their most basic form
are the hardest to put words around:
the winged tail of a shrimp.
a freshly washed pillow case,
growing crisp in the autumn air.

The late winter sun
quenching itself on a bowlful
of snow. The half moon
resting, always,
in your right thumbnail.
What I mean is this—
after the long ride home
when the grass is wet, and the dishes
have been dried, and the wrinkles
have begun to set themselves
in lines more broad
than fine, there will be you—
asleep. Your head in its infinite state
of undress. Each hair
set upon another
wrestling against the grains,
that by some unwritten rule,
must form in your blue eyes.
There will be you, again.
You.
Alight, aloft, adrift,
in my arms alone.

There will be you
and me
and we will be
at home.

-M. C. Boyes

2009-01-08T22:06:00.000-05:00

Starting Again from Barbara Kingsolver from High Tide in Tucson

Every one of us is called upon, probably many times, to start a new life. A frightening diagnosis, a marriage, a move, loss of a job or a limb or a loved one, a graduation, bringing a new baby home: it's impossible to think at first how this will all be possible. Eventually, what moves it all forward is the subterranean ebb and flow of being alive among the living.

In my own worst seasons I've come back from the colorless world of despair by forcing myself to look hard, for a long time, at a singular glorious thing: a flame of red geranium outside my bedroom window. And then another: my daughter in a yellow dress. And another: the perfect outline of a full , dark sphere behind the crescent moon. Until I learned to be in love with my life again. Like a stroke victim retraining new parts of the brain to grasp lost skills, i have taught myself joy , over and over again.

It is not such a wide gulf to cross, then, from survival to poetry. We hold fast to the old passions of endurance that buckle and creak beneath us, dovetailed, tight as a good wooden boat to carry us onward. And onward full tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and absurdly resolute, driven in spite of everything to make good on a new shore. to be hopeful, to embrace on possibility after another -- that is surely the basic instinct. Baser even than hate, the thing with teeth, which can be stilled with a tone of voice or stunned by beauty. If the whole world of the living has to turn on the single point of remaining alive, that pointed endurance is the poetry of hope. The thing with feathers.

What a stroke of luck. What a singular brute feat of outrageous fortune: to be born citizenship in the animal kingdom. We love we lose, go back to the start and do it right over again. For every heavy forebrain solemnly cataloging the facts of a harsh landscape, there's a rush of intuition behind it crying out:High Tide ! Time to move out the glorious debris. Time to take this life for what it is.

The following is an excerpt from Gretchen Rubin's article featured this past fall in The Huffington Post. In her article she writes about a 1936 exploration of 12 "brain exercises" given by a Dorothea Brande which helps one connect to happiness. Her theory was that a key ingredient to being happy is to experience novelty and change in ones life. She says, "People who stray from their routines, try new things, explore, and experiment tend to be happier than those who don't." Of course, as Brande herself points out, novelty and challenge can also bring frustration, anxiety, confusion, and annoyance along the way; it's the process of facing those challenges that brings the "atmosphere of growth" so important to happiness.

Here are Dorothea Brande's twelve mental exercises. Note: she wrote these in 1936, so you need to adapt of few of them.

1. Spend an hour each day without saying anything except in answer to direct questions, in the midst of the usual group, without creating the impression that you're sulking or ill. Be as ordinary as possible. But do not volunteer remarks or try to draw out information.

2. Think for 30 minutes a day about one subject exclusively. Start with five minutes.

3. Write a letter without using the words I, me, mine, my.

4. Talk for 15 minutes a day without using I, me, my, mine.

5. Write a letter in a "successful" or placid tone. No misstatements, no lying. Look for aspects or activities that can be honestly reported that way.

6. Pause on the threshold of any crowded room and size it up.

7. Keep a new acquaintance talking about himself or herself without allowing him to become conscious of it. Turn back any courteous reciprocal questions in a way that your auditor doesn't feel rebuffed.

8. Talk exclusively about yourself and your interests without complaining, boasting, or boring your companions.

9. Cut "I mean" or "As a matter of fact" or any other verbal mannerism out of your conversation.

10. Plan two hours of a day and stick to the plan.

11. Set yourself twelve tasks at random: e.g., go twenty miles from home using ordinary conveyance; go 12 hours without food; go eat a meal in the unlikelist place you can find; say nothing all day except in answer to questions; stay up all night and work.

12. From time to time, give yourself a day when you answer "yes" to any reasonable request.

2009-01-04T14:44:00.001-05:00

Elephants / Rachael Yamagata

If the elephants have past lives yet all destined to always remember
It's no wonder how they scream
Like you and I they must have some temper

And I am dreaming of them on the planes
Dirtying up their beds
Watching for some sign of rain to cool their hot heads

And how dare that you send me that card when I am doing all that I can do
You are forcing me to remember when all I want is to just forget you

If the tiger shall protect her young then tell me how did you slip by
All my instincts have failed me for once
I must have somehow slept the whole night

And I am dreaming of them with their kill
Tearing it all apart
Blood dripping from their lips and teeth sinking into heart

And how dare that you say you'll call
When you know I need some peace of mind
If you have to take sides with the animals
Won't you do it with one who is kind

And if the hawks in the trees need the dead
If you're living you don't stand a chance
For a time though you share the same bed
There are only two ends to this dance

You can flee with your wounds just in time or lie there as he feeds
Watching yourself ripped to shreds and laughing as you bleed

So for those of you falling in love keep it kind
Keep it good
Keep it right
Throw yourself in the midst of danger but keep one eye open at night

grateful for:

2008-04-22T17:32:00.003-05:00

sunstreaming mornings / my fast as lightning scooter / a little extra time with my boy / yooooga/ my kick ass job & coworkers / spring / the little bundle of joy headed my way - artichoke (arty)

a·bun·dance [uh-buhn-duhns]

1.	an extremely plentiful or oversufficient quantity or supply: an abundance of grain.

2.	overflowing fullness: abundance of the heart.

3.	affluence; wealth: the enjoyment of abundance.

4.	Physics, Chemistry. the number of atoms of one isotope of an element divided by the total number of atoms in a mixture of the isotopes.

shifts.

2008-04-18T21:49:00.003-05:00

change isn't always comfortable. even when it's right. and even when it's ohsogood. sometimes it's like squeezing out of very tight jeans and into a pair of yoga pants, but sometimes it's putting those jeans back on again. just for second. because you forgot you could wear your yoga pants. it takes some getting used to. some movement. some shifting of weight. and at times a little of this:

rules to live by.

2008-04-18T21:46:00.001-05:00

i have a choice

2008-04-16T09:09:00.000-05:00

from dancing mermaid:

"every morning i have a choice.

i can live in a run down beach hut
with chipping paint and tiny closets

or i can live in an enchanted cottage by the sea,
with the waves at my doorstep and soft sand
in between my toes.

i can worry about money
and think about the worst case scenarios

or i can wake up and create,
and believe that abundance is easy
and within reach.

i can get mad
at unpleasant things i don’t think i deserve

or i can trust that this is part of the process,
and manifest new things that better serve my needs.

i can look at my modest studio space
and scold myself for not doing enough

or i can let loose with some bright, thick happy paint,
my ipod, no shoes and a really kick ass bagel
and get on with it.

i can be jealous of those
who are seeing new places

or i can look outside at my own paradise,
be present, and know everyone has their time.

i can be catty
or i can be compassionate.

i can hold on really tight
or i can do a cartwheel in the grass.

i can bitch
or i can smell the jasmine growing
up and down the street.

i have been called a dreamer,
spacey, and not in “reality.”

i have been mocked for
believing in magic and good.

but you know,
the alternative is not so appealing
to me anymore.
this is my reality.
and i like it.

so there."

now my monday is my sunday.

2008-04-14T10:46:00.002-05:00

so today is my first day where i would've been at work but now i'm, well, not.

it's sunny and fifty degrees. bright blue skies. perfect walking-around-with-a-latte and soon to be cruising-on-the scooter weather.

i've made a list of things i want to do with my newly acquired free time: buy some beads, go to a museum, write letters, hit up tons of yoga classes.

ahhhhh.

change

2008-04-08T12:31:00.004-05:00

i haven't written much as of late. i'd say it's because i'm too busy, but i think it's also a bit of self-preservation. so much change is occuring in my life right now. a friend told me that if i followed my heart, the universe would conspire to make this happen for me, and since i've made the leap i feel as though one thousand little blessings have occurred.

don't ask what the world needs. ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. because what the world needs is people who have come alive.
howard thurman

2008-04-01T08:28:00.000-05:00

from yoga jillian:

Up Your Joy
1. Today, take 15 minutes to do something you enjoy. William recommends: “Do art, paint and color. Listen to music. Dance. Catch butterflies. Pick flowers. Walk outside. Take a bath. Have a play date.”
2. Tell someone how much you appreciate them. Pick up the phone, write a letter, or even send an email now. The sharing and receiving of kinds words is an amazing stress reducer and heart opener.
3. Smile. That’s it. Just smile. Try it for a few minutes. It is the ultimate anti-depressant.
4. Spring Clean in any moment you become aware that you can get rid of something that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful. Donate it or recycle when ever possible. Be Ruthless and release it.
5. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. Envy is a waste of energy and time. You already have all you need. Smile and have a moment of gratitude for all you have in your life.
6. Take three deep breaths. Then visualize some one, some place, or some activity you love!
7. Add Brightness. Wear more color on your body. Incorporate more color into your diet such as oranges, beets, avocados, asparagus, baby greens, lemons, and limes. Get up and see the sun rise! Position your mat to face the rising sun during yoga or meditation.

2008-03-24T22:20:00.001-05:00

from my friend lindsay's blog:

"when spring came, even the false spring, there were no problems except where to be happiest." hemingway / a moveable feast

rasa

2008-03-23T10:02:00.002-05:00

though i'm usually writing about my life, or at least my emotional life, i've gotten away from writing about yoga on my blog and in order to deepen my own practice i think i should start exploring the philosophy of yoga and what it means in my life.

i took a class at flow yoga on thursday night that focused on spring and how spring brings more "rasa" into our life. rasa is literally translated as "juice, essence, taste, plasma, or transformational state" and is pretty much the nourishing juice or energy that fills us with life. so when spring rolls in we feel a burst of energy - the days are longer (but this time in a good way..), we feel lighter and more playful and even more hopeful. to increase the rasa within us, we need an energetic yoga practice. in my class our teacher had us incorporate 108 chaturangas into our vinyasas that were full of energizing poses - triangle, chair, twists.

"in order for the rasa state to arise, we must first become aware of our bhava, or 'true feeling state,' which is thought of as the soil of rasa," writes shiva rea. "without being true to our feeling state, it's easy to feel as if we're going through the motions of life. a lack of connection is all too common in this fast-paced world; we sometimes find ourselves eating without tasting our food, listening without being truly present, and doing yoga without experiencing the feelings that arise in us."

and even if you aren't doing yoga there are plenty of other ways to tap into this energy - taking a logn walk to work, going for a run, eating lots of fruits and vegetables.

"existence without juice is dry and tasteless. rasa is life's fluid reality, life's juice, in every sense of the word."
robert svoboda

scootin' in the springtime.

2008-03-20T15:42:00.003-05:00

tonight the only thing i have to do is go to yoga and ride my scooter. i d e a l. i'm pretty exhausted. i'm working two jobs until the middle of april, plus teaching yoga, working on a little freelance, and trying to spend some time with my boyfriend who i LIVE with. (you'd think it would be a litter easier to see eachother once you're under the same roof.) but all of the things i'm doing are things that i absolutely love (except maybe the job i'm leaving) so it's pretty painless. just a bit tiring.

today during lunch my friends christina and stefan and i went for a scooter ride down 16th street to check out the movie brad pitt is filming. there was a full blown marching band performing on the front steps of the freemason's building and about 30 policemen on bikes. one of them said pretty loudly, "there are a lot of violations going on on those scooters.." (like stefan's lack of a helmet, my missing mirror, my flashing hazard lights..) yep, probably time to scoot away from that group. so we took off down 17th street and back to work. damn, that scooter is so exhilirating. i think it might make this summer the best one i've ever had.

i named my scooter too. it's 'ollie juice' after my grandma, elizabeth ollie barnes, who loved dirty martinis and having fun. when she passed away she left me a little money, and though i highly doubt she anticipated me buying hell on wheels with it, i'm pretty sure she would have enjoyed one at my age too. she did always say that she wished she could've learned how to drive a zamboni. this is close enough. i can't afford one of those.

anyone else but you.

2008-03-20T13:17:00.002-05:00

you are always trying to keep it real
i'm in love with how you feel
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you

we both have shiny happy fits of rage
you want more fans, I want more stage
i don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
but you"

anyone else but you, the moldy peaches

2008-03-19T10:04:00.004-05:00

There is a famous saying: "If the mind is not contrived, it is spontaneously blissful, just as water, when not agitated, is by nature transparent and clear." I often compare the mind in meditation to a jar of muddy water: The more we leave the water without interfering or stirring it, the more the particles of dirt will sink to the bottom, letting the natural clarity of the water shine through. The very nature of the mind is such that if you only leave it in its unaltered and natural state, it will find its true nature, which is bliss and clarity. So take care not to impose anything on the mind, or to tax it. When you meditate there should be no effort to control, and no attempt to be peaceful. Don't be overly solemn or feel that you are taking part in some special ritual; let go even of the idea that you are meditating. Let your body remain as it is, and your breath as you find it. Think of yourself as the sky, holding the whole universe.

Sogyal Rinpoche

i've got wheels!

2008-03-18T08:54:00.002-05:00

not your average friday.

2008-03-14T09:57:00.007-05:00

whoa.

i just quit my job.

after two years of editing in an office, i started craving a change. a big juicy change that included lots of yoga. and though i adore my friends/coworkers, i don't think i'm really the office type. i like fresh air and riding my bike and sunshine.

so i'll be teaching yoga, working for an amazing yoga company, and freelance writing. because if i've learned anything these past few months, it's that things can change in an instant, and there's no better time than right now to make a move toward your ideal life.

"it takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. but there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. there is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power."

alan cohen

inspiring me today.

2008-03-13T08:50:00.006-05:00

inspiration boards

leona lewis (i do love my pop music. puts a little spring in your step.)

spring dresses (and cowboy boots)
lululemon (my rocking new gig)

spring has sprung

2008-03-12T15:46:00.003-05:00

it seems we left during a dreary winter and returned in spring. on my (very jet lagged) walk home from work yesterday i noticed the trees were full of flowers, it was warm enough to go without my jacket, and there were so many more people outside strolling around. yes, spring is upon us. thank goodness.

i'm still catching up on sleep, but i can feel the effects of vacation on my mind and body. my body holds less tension, despite the lack of yoga on the trip, and i feel a bit more laissez-faire than normal.

i'm ready to just be here. no big trips, no huge deadlines, no craziness. just settling into spring and enjoying the current state of things.

from artist keri smith last year:

"it's the first moment of respite in a hectic week filled with deadlines, house renovation, taxes, and company. but i feel strangely rested and purged. i think mainly due to the fact spring has arrived and I can finally let a fresh breeze into the house. is it the spring that begs us to stop for a moment and see that everything is as it should be? at the root of my being i want to clean the winter dust off of everything, and purge my house of anything unnecesary.

how wonderful that our biological urges are still intact in this period of staring at screens all day. somewhere in the depths of our bodies the animal nature breathes and makes us want to go walk on the earth again after the thaw.

how is it that the smell of the earth is like a tonic that calms us into a calm state, even when we are surrounded by concrete and cars? the body knows more about what it needs than we do. it craves flowers and green and air that moves through the trees. it speaks to the trees and the trees speak back, but somewhere along the way we lost the ability to hear the language. but it's there. i know it.

the average child is able to identify hundreds of corporate logos, yet incapable of naming the species of tree in their own backyard. Yet they still communicate with the tree even if they don't know it. it must have something to do with the urge to build a house up in the branches, or build a fort in the roots.

just thinking about forts made me want to build one for myself. out of chairs and blankets. i want to hide a pile of books in there and sitting reading for the rest of the afternoon.

and listen to what the trees have to say."

two weeks in the middle east.

2008-03-11T13:36:00.018-05:00

to sum up the last two weeks wouldn't do the trip even the slightest bit of justice, so i've broken it down into moments and photographs...

roadside camels with their front legs tied together (so they didn't run away.)

gliding down dubai creek with my love in a fisherman's boat. sunshine and seagulls all around.

heaping plates of grape leaves (my favorite), tabuloueh, fasoola, kibbeh, and lamb.

turkish coffee in the foggy morning.

lying on the "better than bahamas" beach drinking a glass of chardonnay, listening to the melding of accents and languages around me, and laughing with said.

buying short snazzy party dresses with said's mama.

cruising around ras al khaimah with the haddads eating fast food falafel in the backseat. yum.

said schmoozing us into buddha bar so we could drinking expensive martinis and only want to talk to eachother.

falling in love with the haddads' dog whitey only to be bit three times in one day.

dubai = beautiful, expensive excess.

dubai

2008-03-08T10:11:00.003-05:00

it took me ten minutes to figure out which button on blogger was "new post" in arabic. very confusing.

ah, dubai. only two days left in our eleven day adventure. and it's truly been an adventure. camels, mosques, and dishdashas in contrast with starbucks, range rovers, and really strong martinis. dubai is gorgeous, expensive, and fast-paced, and ras al khaimah (where said's parents live) is also gorgeous, seaside, and ohsoquiet. said's family has welcomed me with open arms and i feel completely at home.

more to come. i'm off to enjoy my remaining 48 hours.

+

2008-02-29T15:51:00.004-05:00

new notebook for scribbles and collages and wacky ideas - sunshine - an airplane playlist - a healing father - morning yoga class - wanting to tell you how much i love you pretty much all the time - flying across the world tomorrow - sand between my toes - real chai tea and good conversation at nirvana - slowing down

..... see you soon.

well said

2008-02-28T11:48:00.001-05:00

from kelly rae:

"do you ever feel like you're settling into a newer version of yourself? it feels vague and a bit awkward at first, like the beginnings of a new habit, but then you sort of fall into it gradually. eventually, you wake up one day and feel a bit different, a bit new, a bit more solid in your everyday skin. it's a very hard thing to describe except to say it sort of feels a bit like growing up...but in the best of ways.

it's been insanely beautiful around here. california is teaching me to love what it has to offer. and what it has to offer is perfect weather and some pretty amazing people, too. after 1.5 years of living here (and only 9 more months to go), it feels like i'm falling into my friendships a bit more, much like i'm falling into myself. feels good really, really good."

counting down

2008-02-27T16:09:00.007-05:00

the countdown begins.

one day until my dad gets to come home. three days until we board the plane to dubai. four days until my toes are in the sand. five weeks until alyssa is here. three months until j&b move to dc.

then springtime. farmers markets. riding my bike in flip flops with a scarf in my hair. drum circle. morning yoga with the windows thrown open. cherry blossoms. late night beers on the patio.

i want to learn to bake, and to bead, and to let go and fly just a little bit higher.

"how soon not now becomes never."

martin luther

yesssssssssssss!

2008-02-27T11:19:00.003-05:00

congratulations to my rockstar brother john who just scored a gig as a special ed teacher with dc teaching fellows.

and he's moving here with his rockstarette.

2008-02-25T21:02:00.003-05:00

“when we walk to the edge of all the light we have and take a step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen. either there will be something solid for us to stand on, or we will be taught to fly.”

frank outlaw

2008-02-25T17:02:00.005-05:00

"i love people. i love my family, my children . . . but inside myself is a place where i live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up."

pearl s. buck

peace

2008-02-25T13:41:00.003-05:00

my dad went in for his surgery at eleven this morning. it should last about four hours and then he'll spend a few days in the hospital and several weeks off of his feet. my mom said that he got a private a room so she'll be staying with him tonight, though he insists she stay in a nearby hotel. she's certainly had her overfill of hospitals lately but still continues to be so strong.

he sounded peaceful and prepared and ready to get this over with. i hate being this far away. i want to give him a big hug and brew mom some tea. so instead i went to saint matthews, a gorgeous catholic church across the street. i walked in on a mass so i stayed for a few prayers and stopped to light a candle for him. just being there made me feel protected; something from my childhood like mac and cheese and chasing geese at the lake; and in turn made me realize how safely he is being watched on his journey right now.

and i just got this from my soul friend stefan:
JUST WANTED TO SAY: I LOVE YOU AND I'M TRULY GRATEFUL THAT YOU ARE MY FRIEND.

ALSO: DADDY LARUE ROCKS THE PLANET, AND I WISH HIM ALL THE POSITIVITY IN THE UNIVERSE, PLUS A SUPER SPEEDY RECOVERY.

I HEART MB+FAMILY.

echoes of memory

2008-02-24T11:30:00.002-05:00

beannacht
("blessing")

on the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.

and when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.

when the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.

may the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
and so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.

john o'donohue

lazy day

2008-02-24T11:22:00.003-05:00

eventhough i'm sick it has been such a lovely weekend. very lazy.

a chipotle-infused hot chocolate and reading at the new chocolate shop on 14th/a bright pink manicure and pedicure/alyssa's coming for 4 days in april!/built two new websites/lots of new clothes for work @ lululemon

and i've been daydreaming about these two things a lot (like alot alot.. unhealthily alot):

a saturday night

2008-02-23T22:46:00.005-05:00

tonight i made a big mug of tea and changed into my pajamas at seven. it's cold. it's february. and i have absolutely no desire to traipse around dc. instead i wanted a lot of time just to myself. i'm finding that this is the case a lot lately. i derive a lot of pleasure from slowing down, climbing into bed with a book, writing letters, working on whatever new project i've dreamed up.

when said and i moved into our apartment i dedicated a bookcase in our artsy room to my journals, the twenty-odd moleskines i've filled up since my 18th birthday. and sometimes when i'm really needing some advice i come to them, sit down on the floor cross-legged and read back over the past six years. things haven't really changed that much. some of the major players have changed - new loves, new friends, new coffeeshops - but all in all the girl writing years ago is still someone i recognize. sometimes someone i painfully miss. and sometimes someone i'm glad i have a few years on. but no matter what, the dreams i had then haven't changed a bit and i feel that i'm still s l o w l y but surely moving towards them.

i came across this entry tonight with a passage from sabrina ward harrison. i fell in love with her first book when i was in highschool and have come back to her books as often as i come back to my own journals.

"so much checking email, catching the train, grabbing lunch. i want a painting room. i want morning glories climbing overhead. i want great mix tapes and backyard wine drinking. i want really low-key folks. i want to give it up. give up the competition. the city thrives on it. the standards are so high. what really rests at the top? i don't like seeing myself in the mirror trying to get there. i look trashy when i do. i look better camping. i feel better in pjs and socks. where can i go that is simple anymore?"

good ole oprah

2008-02-22T10:51:00.002-05:00

5 Things Happy People Do

2008-02-20T15:30:00.000-05:00

there are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it.
edith wharton

(sunrise, lake atitlan, guatemala)

ask for forgiveness later

2008-02-20T15:25:00.005-05:00

on the chalkboard in our kitchen i scribbled "leap and the net will appear," a saying often used in the artist's way and a beautiful reminder to live in the moment. well i've leapt and this net has turned out to be far grander than any net i could've imagined.

i've begun working part-time at a yoga shop called lululemon. last night at training the manager said, "just do it and ask for forgiveness later," meaning trust yourself. follow your gut. if you want to make a big change trust your creative impulse. and if it doesn't work out, we'll fix it later. i feel like i hold myself to such strict rules. do this, be on time, say this, and to let go and slow down (even just a teensy bit) opens entire worlds i maybe wouldn't have seen before. i've been trying to do incorporate this "act now" philosophy more into my life. maybe i wake up and am running a little late, but rather than panic i make myself a big tea to walk to work with. or stay up a little later reading the stack of magazines i've neglected.

it's time to sink in and enjoy a little bit. get messy. throw some paint around. make some mistakes.

"you must learn to welcome consciously the most unexpected events of life, to be entirely transparent in front of them, without any motive, either right or wrong. at that moment avoid all judgment, for you do not know what law is in operation."
lizelle reymond

let it all go

2008-02-20T15:15:00.000-05:00

let go of the ways you thought life would unfold; the holding of plans or dreams or expectations – let it all go.

save your strength to swim with the tide.

the choice to fight what is here before you now will only result in a struggle, fear, and desperate attempts to flee from the very energy you long for.

let go. let it all go and flow with the grace that washes through your days whether you receive it gently or with all your quills raised to defend against invaders.

take on faith: the mind may never find the explanations that it seeks, but you will move forward nonetheless.
let go and the wave’s crests will carry you to unknown shores, beyond your wildest dreams or destinations.

let it all go and find the place of rest and peace, and certain transformation.

dana fould

well said.

2008-02-20T11:17:00.000-05:00

from swirly girl:

"I realized that my recent efforts towards connecting all of the Things I Do - or I should say my efforts towards sharing the Things I Do in a way that expresses their interconnectedness - is not about wanting to put forth some sort of image or ideal or glamorized version of myself. If anything, I feel like I am running the risk of diluting the titles I put on things like business cards. Artist. Writer. Swirly. If anything, I am trying to create something much broader, something that conveys the fact that I do many things and have many pursuits, but they are all linked by one overriding value, which is to create a passion-fueled life. If I wanted to simply be an artist, I would create art every day and try to get it sold and exhibited. If I wanted to be a writer I would write and try to get my work published. If I wanted to be a photographer...etcetera, etcetera.

But my life is not guided by just one thing, and I do not believe it is just one thing I do that makes my life worthwhile. I am learning instead that the possibilities for my life are much wider, broader and full of possibility than I have been imagining for myself - and I've dreamed BIG, believe me. The reason I know this is because the journey I am now on has connected me to some of the most astounding human beings on the planet, people who have their own amazing, inspiring stories to tell, and somehow we have found our way to each other. These connections are becoming more frequent, more meaningful and more life-affirming. I consider each new encounter a confirmation that I am on the right path.

I am an artist, a writer, a wife, a friend, a traveler, a housekeeper, a grocery shopper, an organizer, a photographer, a daughter, a blog reader, a website designer, an entreperneur, a runner, a cyclist, and a philosopher. I am not especially confident in the kitchen, get distracted easily, love road trips, have bouts of overwhelming fear and insecurity, and love the smell of celery salt. I am just living my life, and trying to make it as meaningful as possible. I am trying to do my best and to be authentic. I am trying to operate from a place of integrity every step of the way. I am trying to be a positive force in the world, and I have written of these things before. But I think I have been missing a huge part of the landscape that is available to me, and I now see that my life isn't about a specific title or job description; it isn't about accomplishing some grand goal that the rest of the world defines as success. It is about following my own path, expressing myself, trusting my heart and sharing my journey.

I will be writing more about this I know, as I continue to try to define exactly what it is I am talking about, but for now I dare you to expand the vision you have for yourself, for your relationships, your dreams, your work, your life. Dare to know that there is tremendous abundance available to you right now...at this very moment...and that there are so many things you do that play a part in creating a life that makes your heart sparkle. It is all the little things that create the larger story, the deeper meaning, the wider vision. Dare to throw the titles you've given yourself away and instead see that all the possible monikers you might have are what actually creates the unique tapestry that is you."

An Incomplete Manifesto for Growth

2008-02-19T13:51:00.002-05:00

1. Allow events to change you. You have to be willing to grow. Growth is different from something that happens to you. You produce it. You live it. The prerequisites for growth: the openness to experience events and the willingness to be changed by them.

2. Forget about good. Good is a known quantity. Good is what we all agree on. Growth is not necessarily good. Growth is an exploration of unlit recesses that may or may not yield to our research. As long as you stick to good you'll never have real growth.

3. Process is more important than outcome. When the outcome drives the process we will only ever go to where we've already been. If process drives outcome we may not know where we’re going, but we will know we want to be there.

4. Love your experiments (as you would an ugly child). Joy is the engine of growth. Exploit the liberty in casting your work as beautiful experiments, iterations, attempts, trials, and errors. Take the long view and allow yourself the fun of failure every day.

5. Go deep. The deeper you go the more likely you will discover something of value.

6. Capture accidents. The wrong answer is the right answer in search of a different question. Collect wrong answers as part of the process. Ask different questions.

7. Study. A studio is a place of study. Use the necessity of production as an excuse to study. Everyone will benefit.

8. Drift. Allow yourself to wander aimlessly. Explore adjacencies. Lack judgment. Postpone criticism.

9. Begin anywhere. John Cage tells us that not knowing where to begin is a common form of paralysis. His advice: begin anywhere.

10. Everyone is a leader. Growth happens. Whenever it does, allow it to emerge. Learn to follow when it makes sense. Let anyone lead.

11. Harvest ideas. Edit applications. Ideas need a dynamic, fluid, generous environment to sustain life. Applications, on the other hand, benefit from critical rigor. Produce a high ratio of ideas to applications.

12. Keep moving. The market and its operations have a tendency to reinforce success. Resist it. Allow failure and migration to be part of your practice.

13. Slow down. Desynchronize from standard time frames and surprising opportunities may present themselves.

14. Don’t be cool. Cool is conservative fear dressed in black. Free yourself from limits of this sort.

15. Ask stupid questions. Growth is fueled by desire and innocence. Assess the answer, not the question. Imagine learning throughout your life at the rate of an infant.

16. Collaborate. The space between people working together is filled with conflict, friction, strife, exhilaration, delight, and vast creative potential.

17. ____________________. Intentionally left blank. Allow space for the ideas you haven’t had yet, and for the ideas of others.

18. Stay up late. Strange things happen when you’ve gone too far, been up too long, worked too hard, and you're separated from the rest of the world.

19. Work the metaphor. Every object has the capacity to stand for something other than what is apparent. Work on what it stands for.

20. Be careful to take risks. Time is genetic. Today is the child of yesterday and the parent of tomorrow. The work you produce today will create your future.

21. Repeat yourself. If you like it, do it again. If you don’t like it, do it again.

22. Make your own tools. Hybridize your tools in order to build unique things. Even simple tools that are your own can yield entirely new avenues of exploration. Remember, tools amplify our capacities, so even a small tool can make a big difference.

23. Stand on someone’s shoulders. You can travel farther carried on the accomplishments of those who came before you. And the view is so much better.

24. Avoid software. The problem with software is that everyone has it.

25. Don’t clean your desk. You might find something in the morning that you can’t see tonight.

26. Don’t enter awards competitions. Just don’t. It’s not good for you.

27. Read only left-hand pages. Marshall McLuhan did this. By decreasing the amount of information, we leave room for what he called our "noodle."

28. Make new words. Expand the lexicon. The new conditions demand a new way of thinking. The thinking demands new forms of expression. The expression generates new conditions.

29. Think with your mind. Forget technology. Creativity is not device-dependent.

30. Organization = Liberty. Real innovation in design, or any other field, happens in context. That context is usually some form of cooperatively managed enterprise. Frank Gehry, for instance, is only able to realize Bilbao because his studio can deliver it on budget. The myth of a split between "creatives" and "suits" is what Leonard Cohen calls a 'charming artifact of the past.'

31. Don’t borrow money. Once again, Frank Gehry’s advice. By maintaining financial control, we maintain creative control. It’s not exactly rocket science, but it’s surprising how hard it is to maintain this discipline, and how many have failed.

32. Listen carefully. Every collaborator who enters our orbit brings with him or her a world more strange and complex than any we could ever hope to imagine. By listening to the details and the subtlety of their needs, desires, or ambitions, we fold their world onto our own. Neither party will ever be the same.

33. Take field trips. The bandwidth of the world is greater than that of your TV set, or the Internet, or even a totally immersive, interactive, dynamically rendered, object-oriented, real-time, computer graphic–simulated environment.

34. Make mistakes faster. This isn’t my idea -- I borrowed it. I think it belongs to Andy Grove.

35. Imitate. Don’t be shy about it. Try to get as close as you can. You'll never get all the way, and the separation might be truly remarkable. We have only to look to Richard Hamilton and his version of Marcel Duchamp’s large glass to see how rich, discredited, and underused imitation is as a technique.

36. Scat. When you forget the words, do what Ella did: make up something else ... but not words.

37. Break it, stretch it, bend it, crush it, crack it, fold it.

38. Explore the other edge. Great liberty exists when we avoid trying to run with the technological pack. We can’t find the leading edge because it’s trampled underfoot. Try using old-tech equipment made obsolete by an economic cycle but still rich with potential.

39. Coffee breaks, cab rides, green rooms. Real growth often happens outside of where we intend it to, in the interstitial spaces -- what Dr. Seuss calls "the waiting place." Hans Ulrich Obrist once organized a science and art conference with all of the infrastructure of a conference -- the parties, chats, lunches, airport arrivals — but with no actual conference. Apparently it was hugely successful and spawned many ongoing collaborations.

40. Avoid fields. Jump fences. Disciplinary boundaries and regulatory regimes are attempts to control the wilding of creative life. They are often understandable efforts to order what are manifold, complex, evolutionary processes. Our job is to jump the fences and cross the fields.

41. Laugh. People visiting the studio often comment on how much we laugh. Since I've become aware of this, I use it as a barometer of how comfortably we are expressing ourselves.

42. Remember. Growth is only possible as a product of history. Without memory, innovation is merely novelty. History gives growth a direction. But a memory is never perfect. Every memory is a degraded or composite image of a previous moment or event. That’s what makes us aware of its quality as a past and not a present. It means that every memory is new, a partial construct different from its source, and, as such, a potential for growth itself.

43. Power to the people. Play can only happen when people feel they have control over their lives. We can't be free agents if we’re not free.

Grow, grow, grow.

2008-02-17T16:00:00.000-05:00

"do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach, check your road and the nature of your battle. the world you desire can be won. it exists, it is real, it is possible, it is yours."

ayn rand

home sweet home

2008-02-16T10:13:00.003-05:00

oh iowa, how i love your quietness and simplicity. sleeping in and waking up to hazelnut coffee and heaping plates of strawberry pancakes. taking a four-hour nap in the middle of the afternoon because, well, there's nothing else to do. the four of us sitting around our fireplace and drinking cheap vino.

i am literally doing nothing. i have books to read i haven't touched. i don't really feel like watching television. it seems too cold to go for walks. so instead i do a little yoga, a lot of sitting, and just enjoy soaking up this time of peace and quiet, and lots of love.

daydreaming about springtime

2008-02-14T14:56:00.003-05:00

2008-02-14T14:08:00.001-05:00

ear candy: adele

2008-02-14T10:53:00.001-05:00

gorgeous. have a listen.

thank you.

2008-02-13T13:53:00.004-05:00

things i'm grateful for today:
my dad's bone scan came back 100 percent clear/said and i bought our tickets to dubai (march 1 thru 10)/i'm going to be able to wrap my arms around my family tomorrow at 9 pm/i taught a really fun yoga class last night/sia's new album/the mini cadbury eggs that are already on shelves

create

2008-02-13T13:47:00.003-05:00

another word for creativity is courage.
george prince

the artist's way

2008-02-12T10:41:00.000-05:00

inspired by a couple of friends who have started reading "the artist's way," i've decided to commit to the twelve-week course myself. a friend gave me the book in high school and it has traveled to college with me and then to dc, but i've never actually read or done the course. the whole book is about unblocking and restoring your creativeness.

for me, it's about recovering my creativity in not just writing but in my yoga. i feel like i always have these lengthy to-do lists, and i rush past even the things i enjoy, like planning a yoga class or writing an article. i want to sloooooow down. let things simmer. and soak. and become.

i got this quote in my inbox today:

"most of the time we go through the day, through our activities, our work, our relationships, our conversations, and very rarely do we ground ourselves in an awareness of our bodies. we are lost in our thoughts, our feelings, our emotions, our stories, our plans.

a very simple guide or check on this state of being lost is to pay attention to those times when you feel like you are rushing. rushing does not have to do with speed. you can rush moving slowly, and you can rush moving quickly. we are rushing when we feel as if we are toppling forward. our minds run ahead of ourselves; they are out there where we want to get to, instead of being settled back in our bodies. the feeling of rushing is good feedback. whenever we are not present, right then, in that situation, we should stop and take a few deep breaths. settle into the body again. feel yourself sitting. feel the step of a walk. be in your body."

joseph goldstein

d/u/b/a/i

2008-02-11T15:00:00.000-05:00

said & i are going to dubai!

(details to come as i have a habit of speaking too soon. i have a hard time veiling my excitement. ever.)

we are of the same nature

2008-02-11T09:57:00.000-05:00

after you wake up you probably open the curtains and look outside. you may even like to open the window and feel the cool morning air with the dew still on the grass. but is what you see really "outside"? in fact, it is your own mind. as the sun sends its rays through the window, you are not just yourself. you are also the beautiful view from your window. you are the dharmakaya. dharmakaya literally means the body (kaya) of the buddha's teachings (dharma), the way of understanding and love. before passing away, the buddha told his disciples, "only my physical body will pass away. my dharma body will remain with you forever." in mahayana buddhism, the word has come to mean "the essence of all that exists." all phenomena--the song of a bird, the warm rays of the sun, a cup of hot tea--are manifestations of the dharmakaya. we, too, are of the same nature as these wonders of the universe.

thich nhat hanh

a state of flow

2008-02-10T10:46:00.001-05:00

i read this today and it totally resonated with me. i had to post it. thank you michelle!

"i tend to listen when *the universe* sends me messages and the concept commitment has jumped out at me several times in the past two days - most recently last night as i was going to sleep. i was reading a book about integrative nutrition (wow!) and at the beginning is this idea often mistakenly attributed to Goethe, but actually written by W. H. Murray a 20th century Scottish mountaineer:

“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would never otherwise have occurred. A whole stream of events issues from the decision, raising in one’s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamed would have come his way. I have learned a deep respect for one of Goethe’s couplets: Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”

if there is a dream of your own that you are hesitating about, commit to it. take that first major step. many times in my life when i’ve been floundering, i’ve committed, or re-committed to something - a friendship, a job, a dream…and found it coming much more easily, as if i was no longer swimming upstream, but moving with the tides….commitment helps to put you in a state of flow."

saturday.

2008-02-09T18:07:00.000-05:00

my brother is here!

he flew in yesterday afternoon. we had a big lunch, went thrift shopping, played with the kyoko babies, and then came home to practice for his teaching fellows interview. apparently during the audition one of the girls wrote on the markerboard with a sharpie. poor thing!

it's so wonderful to have him here. we've gone on long walks, gotten big coffees, and caught up on anything and everything all day long. he grounds me.

a blank canvas

2008-02-08T09:49:00.000-05:00

from this beautiful blog"

i was talking to my friend morgan the other day about change…
about how even when it is good,
and you know you are doing the right thing,
it does not always feel comfortable.

like, what do you do with that spiritual awkwardness,
those evacuated spaces that used to occupy
so many thoughts and conversations?

my sweet friend said its like
someone is handing you a white canvas.
you don’t have to make a mark on it right away.
you can just be with it for awhile.

funny how this never occurred to me before.
why stick something there just for the sake
of not having it empty?
(that is probably how i winded up with a
storage unit full of shit i don’t know what to do with.)

i have to admit,
minus the pressure of a deadline,
life seems way more manageable this way.

i want to live a life
without notes.
without outside influence.
without evidence.

on being brave.

2008-02-07T20:06:00.001-05:00

tonight at yoga kyra spoke about opening rather than resisting, and it really resonated with me. there have been a lot of things in my path lately that have been more than easy to resist - resist my dad's cancer, resist my grandma's death, resist problems at work. mostly resisting the fact that for the past month my heart has felt big and vulnerable and totally terrified. i can honestly feel it sometimes when i wake up in the morning, or when i go to bed. like this giant untamed orb in the center of my chest, needing a little attention, and instead i hunch my shoulders and go back to sleep.

all of this living requires a lot of bravery, whether we are aware of it every moment or not. there's a lot of putting yourself on the line, a lot of disappointment, but also tremendous amounts of love and compassion when we're ready for it. it's the reason i've turned to yoga and a reason that i plan on spending the rest of my life teaching others how to allow it into their lives too. because when i first laid down on that mat this evening, i wanted to either scream or cry or explode. but when i stood up i could hear my breath, slow and labrious. and i walked home rather slowly too, noticing the sharpness of the stars and the amount of garbage in our lawn. and then i shut the door and just cried.

and for that i thank you.

every moment.

2008-02-06T13:42:00.000-05:00

“life moves on whether we act as cowards or heroes. life has no other discipline to impose, if we would but realize it, than to accept life unquestionably. everything we shut our eyes to, everything we run away from, everything we deny, denigrate or despise, serves to defeat us in the end. what seems nasty, painful, evil, can become a source of beauty, joy and strength, if faced with an open mind. every moment is a golden one.”
—henry miller